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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25534576">catch and release</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee'>thunderylee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NEWS (Japan Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Universe, Creampie, M/M, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Threesome - M/M/M, lots of feelings, mikimama, quarantine what quarantine, spoilers for snowpiercer (2013), unconventional romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:41:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25534576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Massu sets out to prove that Koyama and Shige are having a thing and ends up becoming part of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kato Shigeaki/Koyama Keiichiro, Kato Shigeaki/Koyama Keiichiro/Masuda Takahisa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>catch and release</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>idk where this came from, but i'm glad it's done.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“One more thing,” Massu says as they wrap up their meeting. “And be honest with me.”</p><p>Koyama and Shige share a brief side glance, which seems to increase Massu’s knowing look even more.</p><p>“You two are together, right?”</p><p>“What?” Koyama squawks first, reacting much like he’d just been asked if he enjoyed touching grasshoppers, and Shige’s only a little offended. “Where would you even get that idea?”</p><p>“Literally everything ever,” Massu answers pointedly, folding his arms as he leans back in his chair. “When there were more members, I didn’t care as much, but now that it’s just the three of us, I feel like I have a right to know the truth.”</p><p>“We are <em>not</em>...” Koyama starts, crunching his face into a cringe that would be adorable if not for the reasons behind it. “Shige and I are best friends.”</p><p>Shige nods in agreement, though he’s still side-eyeing Koyama for acting so put out about it. Shige’s a catch—Koyama should <em>be</em> so lucky.</p><p>“In that case, you won’t mind if I tag along tonight?” Massu asks innocently. “I actually have a free evening, and I’d like to spend it with people I can relax around.”</p><p>“Of course,” Koyama says too quickly. “We’re just hanging out at my place.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige agrees easily. “It’ll be nice for the three of us to spend time together outside of work.”</p><p>“Okay.” Massu looks from Koyama to Shige like he doesn’t believe a word they’re saying. “See you tonight.”</p><p>*</p><p>“I don’t understand why we have to lie,” Shige says as Koyama fluffs the couch pillows for the fourteenth time. “We’ve known him for half of our lives. He’s not gonna suddenly hate us because we <em>do</em> things together.”</p><p>“Is that what we’re calling it now?” Koyama replies sarcastically, and Shige rolls his eyes at how bitchy this one gets when he’s anxious. “Shige, you and I can’t even decide what we <em>are</em> to each other after all these years. How can we explain it to someone else?”</p><p>“We explained it to my parents just fine,” Shige points out. “Every week, my mom asks me when we’re getting married.”</p><p>Koyama sighs. “That’s just it. We’re <em>not</em> having that kind of relationship. It’s one thing for our families to hassle us about those things, but not someone we have to work with everyday.”</p><p>“Massu’s the <em>last</em> person to do that,” Shige says. “He’ll probably just say ‘got it’ and things will go on like usual.”</p><p>“I don’t want to tell him,” Koyama says firmly, using a stern voice that Shige’s only heard a few times in the many years they’ve known each other, and Shige resigns himself to a very rare boundary from this one.</p><p>“Okay,” he reluctantly agrees. “We won’t tell him. But I don’t like it.”</p><p>Koyama shrugs as if to say ‘can’t be helped’ and Shige passive-aggressively bangs the pans more than necessary as he starts making dinner. Naturally, they’re having gyoza.</p><p>A little while later, Massu shows up all smiles with a bottle of wine. Koyama falls over himself to accept it, which has Shige raising an eyebrow because drinking is the absolute <em>last</em> thing they should be doing if they want to keep any secrets. Even if it’s not much of a secret.</p><p>The thing about Shige and Koyama is that there’s not really a thing. Shige doesn’t even remember how it began, though Koyama insists that he’s had strong feelings for Shige since they were teenagers. While that may be true, Shige can’t ascertain when “strong feelings” became “romantic feelings” and Koyama doesn’t know the difference. Physical intimacy isn’t even a factor because it happens more out of comfort and convenience than attraction.</p><p>If Shige had to put a label on it, he’d call it an “enhanced friendship,” but Koyama thinks that sounds too much like “friends with benefits.” Shige argues that the benefits in this case are more than just sexual, though he admits that the phrase has a certain stigma associated with it. They end up talking in circles whenever they try to figure it out, so they just don’t try anymore. Besides, Koyama’s still attracted to other people, though he doesn’t act on it that much (anymore). He was the poster child for polyamory before either of them even knew there was a word for it.</p><p>All of this swims through Shige’s mind as he fries the gyoza he had hand-rolled himself and watches Massu watch them. It’s like Massu’s a detective looking for evidence that they’re lying to him, already poised with a “gotcha!” the minute he finds it. Shige’s confident that Massu’s not going to find anything, behaving as he normally would as he navigates Koyama’s kitchen with the air of someone who cooks here a lot, but Koyama’s suddenly unearthed his inner fuckboy, acting like it’s 2007 and he’s trying to convince Yamashita and Nishikido that he’s <em>absolutely down</em> to cruise the clubs for pussy.</p><p>“I don’t think Massu cares about Manami-san’s cup size,” Shige says pointedly as he shoves past Koyama to set the tray of sizzling gyoza on the table. When he notices Massu grinning at more than just the food, he adds, “Women are worth more than their bodies, Keiichiro.”</p><p>That has Massu shaking his head disapprovingly at Koyama, and Shige hides a smirk as he takes his seat. Once again, feminism saves the day. His mother and only ex-girlfriend would be proud, even if he feels a little guilty for using it for his own personal gain. He’ll just go on Twitter later and use his secret account to argue with misogynists to make up for it.</p><p>Ordinarily, it would be easy for the three members to talk freely when there are no cameras around, but Koyama keeps changing the topic to everything he has going on in his life that has nothing to do with Shige. By the time Massu’s cleared his plate (three times), he has been briefed on Koyama’s entire family, the cast of Barairo Dandy, the drama of three of Koyama’s neighbors, and Milk-chan’s unrequited love with the cat in the window across the street.</p><p>Now that Massu’s not distracted by gyoza (which Shige takes as the highest compliment), he just nods along with Koyama and looks entirely too amused. Shige lets it go until they clear off the dishes and talks them into watching an old Bong Joon-Ho movie, casually popping the bottle of wine Massu had brought to calm Koyama down and dilute Massu’s interrogation enough to coexist like regular people without any ulterior motives.</p><p>He didn’t count on them both ganging up on him by tearing apart the movie.</p><p>“Their entire world is a <em>train</em>?!” Massu exclaims, appearing scandalized at the thought. “The cars are so narrow! They’d be constantly walking all over each other to get where they need to go.”</p><p>“Even <em>I</em> know better than to shoot chemicals up into the sky,” Koyama scoffs. “What did they think was going to happen? Honestly.”</p><p>“It’s supposed to be a representation of class inequality—” Shige starts, but his lecture is drowned out by the continued criticism from the other two. Inevitably, he gives up and inwardly apologizes to Bong-san for not defending his art in favor of having something to talk about <em>other </em>than the elephant in the room.</p><p>They finally shut up when Captain America has his monologue about eating babies, which naturally has Koyama whining and shaking his head like that makes the visions go away. Shige recognizes the signs a split-second before it actually happens, instantly regretting the wine as Koyama grabs onto Shige’s shoulder and presses his face into Shige’s shirt.</p><p>“It’s not real,” Shige reminds him as he stretches out his arm to pat Koyama comfortingly on the head. “It’s just a movie.”</p><p>“The <em>babies</em>!” Koyama’s muffled wails break Shige’s heart a little, and Shige holds him properly, still amazed that such a tall person can curl up so small against him.</p><p>When he remembers that they’re not alone, he finds Massu staring at them instead of the TV, though the malice in his eyes is gone. He almost looks contemplative, and Shige doesn’t think twice before using it to his advantage.</p><p>“The stigma against men being affectionate with each other stems from toxic masculinity,” he recites from a Tumblr post he’d read a couple years ago. “Women cuddle all the time and there’s nothing gay about it.”</p><p>“Well, as long as there’s nothing gay about it,” Massu says flatly. Shige can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not. “Let me in on it, then.”</p><p>Shige can’t stop his eyes from widening in disbelief, and all he can do is lift the arm that is not currently embracing Koyama before Massu notices his reaction. Shige is even more surprised when Massu slumps right against his side, moving around until he gets comfortable, and Shige relaxes along with Massu when the latter eventually falls still and lets out a soft sigh of contentment.</p><p>“You’re not as bony as I expected,” Massu says, the depth of his voice tickling Shige’s side.</p><p>“Thank you?” Shige replies, and Massu just grunts as Shige slings his arm loosely around Massu’s shoulders.</p><p>They’re surprisingly quiet until the movie reaches its explanatory point, where the audience learns how this new train world came to be, and both Koyama and Massu jump right back into their nit-picking like they were being paid to review it. Only this time, both of them are speaking into various parts of Shige’s torso, which is a very strange feeling. It’s not altogether unpleasant though, which has Shige simply leaning back to enjoy the rest of the movie with one grown man under each arm. Their combined heartbeats are soothing.</p><p>He expects the verbal explosions after the twist at the ending, but both Koyama and Massu sit straight up like they’re about to fight and Shige pours himself another glass of wine.</p><p>“There’s <em>no way</em> those two kids could restore human civilization during an <em>ice age</em> when they’d lived on a train their whole lives,” Massu grumbles. “The polar bear probably ate them.”</p><p>“<em>Or</em> they joined the bear pack like Tarzan,” Koyama counters, looking to all the world like he’d just woken up from a nap instead of sobbing into Shige’s shoulder through the last half of the movie. “Restarting humanity in the same way it originated, with caves and shit.”</p><p>“That’s actually an interesting theory,” Shige says, sitting in Koyama’s armchair instead of the couch because he’s had more than enough body heat for the time being. It’s already a warm night and the wine doesn’t make it any cooler.</p><p>“Bears don’t run in packs,” Massu tells them. “Those are wolves. And Tarzan was raised by apes, who are our actual ancestors in Darwinian evolution.”</p><p>Both Koyama and Shige stare at him.</p><p>“What?” Massu asks. “I know things.”</p><p>“It’s getting late,” Shige says pointedly, his gaze travelling to Milk who has been snoozing at the top of her cat tree this entire time. “Don’t you have an early call for your play, Massu?”</p><p>“I’ll give you a ride home,” Massu offers, and Shige blinks as the concept of <em>him</em> actually leaving occurs to him. “What’s that face for? I haven’t had <em>that</em> much to drink. I hold my alcohol much better than you lightweights.”</p><p>“You can come get your car tomorrow,” Koyama tells Shige, all but shoving him toward the door. “Just have your manager drop you off here instead of your own home.”</p><p>Even Milk probably picked up that Koyama wants Shige to come back over, <em>alone</em>, but Massu just twirls his keys on one finger with no expression on his face. Shige makes sure he has his own keys and phone, reminds Koyama to soak the dishes before he passes out, and finds himself in Koyama’s arms before he can stop it.</p><p>It’s just a goodbye hug, but Shige looks right to Massu like the mere act had them busted. Koyama’s drunk enough not to care, which just means he happily adjusts to having <em>Massu</em> embrace him next, the pair of them squeezing each other so tightly as though it were a strength competition.</p><p>“Wow, that’s nice,” Massu comments when he pulls away, leaving Koyama grinning even bigger. That one is such a whore for affection. “I should hug guys more often. It feels great.”</p><p>“Don’t let the patriarchy shame you into ignoring your natural need for platonic intimacy,” Shige says seriously, and Massu just nods.</p><p>The ride home is uneventful, Massu singing along with the electronic music bumping through his speakers while Shige watches the bright lights of the city fly by. He probably shouldn’t have downed that last glass of wine, but he would have hated for it to go to waste. At any rate, he doesn’t care about much of anything except making it to his apartment without tripping over his feet—he’s not the most coordinated drunk.</p><p>“I’ll walk you up,” Massu says as he puts the car in park, and Shige reluctantly agrees.</p><p>It’s more leaning than walking, but Massu doesn’t seem to mind as he more or less drags Shige to the front door. Shige figures that’s where it will end, but Massu’s right behind him as he lets himself inside. Since he’s here, Shige may as well use him for balance as he kicks off his shoes.</p><p>“Do you need anything?” Massu asks, and Shige drags his eyes up to Massu’s that are staring at him in concern. Shige must really look sloshed.</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Shige assures him, flashing his idol smile that strains his cheeks as he struggles to stand up. “I’m gonna go to sleep now.”</p><p>“Drink some water first,” Massu says, and the next thing Shige knows is a glass in his face, Massu’s steady hand holding it to his lips. “Hopefully, you don’t feel too bad tomorrow. Do you two usually drink that much?”</p><p>“No,” Shige answers honestly. “You were accusing us of stuff, so we got nervous.”</p><p>“I’m sorry about that,” Massu says, and Shige blinks at him over the rim of the glass. “I’ll apologize to Koyama tomorrow. I should have just believed you, but I really didn’t think that two people could be as close as you are without it being more. Even Nakamaru and I aren’t like that, and we’ve known each other just as long.”</p><p>Shige just nods as he considers the state of his couch. Maybe he’ll pass out here.</p><p>“If it’s okay, I’d like to be close to you both too,” Massu goes on, and Shige’s too shocked to move. “Please include me in your outings from here on. Or innings, as it were.”</p><p>He laughs at his silly joke and Shige’s next smile is real. “Okay. I need to sleep now.”</p><p>“Good night,” Massu says, but before Shige can turn to make his way down the hall, he’s wrapped in strong arms and firm muscles.</p><p>Weakly, he brings his own arms up to return the embrace, but it’s a futile effort as his already exhausted senses are overwhelmed by the contact. This is nothing like hugging Koyama at all; Massu hugs like it’s a means to survival, shutting out the entire world except for the two of them. In this moment, Shige feels like the roof could cave in and the earth could implode and they would be okay, solely protected by the strength in Massu’s arms.</p><p>Once released, he feels very embarrassed at having this thought and vows to keep it to himself.</p><p>But even after Massu lets himself out and Shige succumbs to the lumps of his couch, his entire body tingles from Massu’s tight embrace, amplified by the lingering remnants of holding them <em>both</em> during the movie.</p><p>In the morning, he’ll realize exactly how fucked he is.</p><p>*</p><p>“I think I have a crush on Massu.”</p><p>It’s not Shige who says it, leading him to spin around so fast that he gets smacked in the face with his own bangs. “Seriously?”</p><p>“I <em>know</em>!” Koyama exclaims, squeezing his eyes shut like last night during the movie, and Shige frowns at what has clearly been plaguing his <em>enhanced friend</em> for most of the day. “I just...really liked being with you both like that. It felt nice.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige admits, and Koyama’s eyes fly open with such a hopeful look that Shige laughs. “Don’t get too excited. He’s not like us.”</p><p>Koyama’s face falls as fast as it had lit up. “I know that. But if we’re already cuddling and hugging, what’s the difference?”</p><p>Shige’s reminded of every time they’ve tried to determine what they are to each other and sighs in defeat. “You need so much more than that. We both do. You and I are the ones who are providing those needs to each other while he’s just another warm body.”</p><p>“When you say it like that, it sounds like anyone would do,” Koyama huffs.</p><p>“Wouldn’t they?” Shige challenges him. “What is it specifically about Massu that attracts you, huh? We’ve worked with him for seventeen years. You’d think any feelings that either of us had for him would have surfaced long before now.”</p><p>Koyama raises an eyebrow as he sees Shige’s questioning for what it is. “Do <em>you</em> have a crush on Massu too?”</p><p>“Don’t say ‘crush’ like we’re fifteen,” Shige grumbles. “I’m glad we weren’t outed, but I’m not sure we got off easy by including him in something <em>we</em> can’t even define.”</p><p>“You consistently amaze me with how complicated you can make things in that fluffy head of yours,” Koyama tells him, and Shige shrugs him off when he goes to reach for Shige’s hair. “It’s not like we’re becoming a triad. Like you said, men can be affectionate with each other and still be friends.”</p><p>“You are the worst person to try and draw a line anywhere,” Shige points out. “We have <em>sex</em> and you still call me your best friend.”</p><p>“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Koyama asks seriously, and Shige cringes at the word. “Didn’t think so. Don’t complain about terminology unless you have a better suggestion—<em>without</em> the word ‘enhanced’.”</p><p>Shige, who had his mouth open to say that very thing, firmly shuts it. He narrows his eyes at Koyama’s smug face and folds his arms over his chest. “Well, joke’s on you, because we won’t be having any sex with Massu around <em>all the time</em>.”</p><p>“You don’t know that,” Koyama says airily, purposely turning away from Shige to strut around his couch. “Maybe he would be into that kind of friendship too.”</p><p>“He doesn’t even <em>like</em> guys,” Shige counters, then pauses to search his memory for any receipts of this fact. “I don’t think?”</p><p>Now Koyama pauses, and they’re both silent for a few seconds. “Yeah, I don’t know either,” Koyama finally assesses. “I don’t think he’s ever mentioned it one way or another. He’s always been tight-lipped about his love life.”</p><p>“Just goes to show—”</p><p>“He’ll open up to us,” Koyama says with so much confidence that Shige’s mouth closes again. “It’s the logical conclusion after spending so much time together. We’ll find out, we just have to wait.”</p><p>Shige doesn’t think Koyama has any authority to speak on <em>logic</em> either, but keeps that opinion to himself. “Okay, but this is a very bad idea. What happens when he finds out we’ve been lying to him this whole time? What if he leaves the group?”</p><p>“It would take much more than a little white lie for Massu to leave the group,” Koyama says, his tone turning fond. “You and I could <em>both</em> leave and he would still carry NEWS by himself.”</p><p>Shige frowns at that thought, enough for Koyama to sling an arm around his waist and pull him close. He instantly feels better, taking a deep breath as he closes his eyes to the somewhat fast beat of Koyama’s heart. “I can <em>feel</em> how freaked out you are.”</p><p>“I’m not freaked out—I’m excited!” Koyama bounces a little as he hugs Shige to one side. “Not only do I get to spend time with <em>two</em> of my favorite people, I get hugs too!”</p><p>“We’ll see if you still feel the same way when <em>all</em> you’re getting is hugs,” Shige mutters.</p><p>“He’s not here right <em>now</em>,” Koyama points out, his voice much lower as he leans over to speak closer to Shige’s ear. “And he’s going to be busy with work for the next two months at <em>least</em>.”</p><p>“This feels more wrong than lying to him,” Shige thinks out loud, but then Koyama kisses him and he turns his mind off for a good long while.</p><p>*</p><p>Adding Massu to their whatever-they’re-doing isn’t as complicated as Shige expected, or as frustrating. It really is nice to spend more time together as three, further cementing their bond as a team along with the <em>enhanced friendship</em> they’re building together. Shige has considered Massu a friend for a long time, but he doesn’t really know much about Massu aside from what <em>everyone</em> knows. Like Koyama said, Massu is a private person who prefers to enjoy the moment rather than sit around and talk about things that have already happened.</p><p>He’s still that person, but there are many more moments shared than before. Their group chat becomes more lively in the next few weeks of Massu’s busy schedule, pictures of his lunch along with little anecdotes about his costars or staff members. Somehow, he still finds time to take the juniors out for meals and visit his family, leaving Koyama and Shige scrolling through their messaging apps like it’s Massu’s own personal Instagram feed on their way to the NEWS na Futari location shoots.</p><p>Of course, Koyama and Shige reply too, though Koyama’s contribution is mostly cat pics and rows of emoji for whatever Massu and Shige send. Despite being a writer, Shige doesn’t care much for texting as a method of communication and mostly makes plans for future outings (or innings), though he’s happy to offer opinions or critiques on Massu’s stories depending on what the situation requires.</p><p>While working with them is fun whether there’s a camera or not, Shige notices a substantial shift in the atmosphere when they’re together as NEWS. It’s almost like pride with which he regards the other two, something he hasn’t even felt toward Koyama before. He just looks at them doing their best for this idol group they’re all clinging to and something explodes in his chest. The unknown makes it a little scary, but it feels too good for him to stress out too much about it.</p><p>One day, Massu can squeeze in a quick lunch between shows and Shige actually clears his schedule, begging his manager to reschedule a meeting with his publisher so that he can go. It’s not like it was a TV appearance or something that inconvenienced a lot of people; his publisher was fine with waiting another week and it gives Shige more time to polish up what he has ready to submit. A win all around.</p><p>“You’re glowing,” Massu calls him out the minute they’re seated at the busy cafe. “Did something happen? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.”</p><p>That earns an interesting look from Koyama, concern mixed with jealousy and Shige finds leverage in the least expected place. “Just happy to see you,” he tells Massu earnestly. “It’s been a while since we’ve all been able to meet outside of work.”</p><p>As soon as it comes out of his mouth, he realizes it’s a strange thing to say to someone who has only started hanging out with them recently, but Massu just grins and directs his attention to the menu. Sometimes (most of the time), Shige envies his simple mind.</p><p>Speaking of simple minds, the normally talkative Koyama is unusually quiet, reacting when Shige or Massu say something without offering anything of his own. Shige leaves him be, figuring that even Koyama has his off days, but Massu’s eyeing him the second he’s cleared his plate.</p><p>“Everything okay, Kei?” he asks, not noticing how Shige’s eyebrows shoot straight up into his hairline from the casual nickname that he’s mostly certain Massu hasn’t used before.</p><p>Koyama hums affirmatively, flashing a smile for effect, and Shige’s not the only one who sees right through him.</p><p>“You both are acting weird,” Massu says bluntly. “Is this about the other night? It’s okay if you two want to hug each other and not me. I understand your close friendship now, so you don’t have to prove anything to me.”</p><p>“It’s not that,” Koyama rushes to say, and only because Shige had turned to gauge Koyama’s reaction before putting together his own words. “It’s just...new.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige agrees, nodding for emphasis. “And because it’s new, it’s...fun.”</p><p>“Exciting,” Koyama adds, though he immediately cringes like he regrets the word.</p><p>“Different,” Shige tries to recover, frowning when Massu tilts his head in thought. “In a good way.”</p><p>“In that case,” Massu says slowly, “we should do it again.”</p><p>“Yes,” Koyama and Shige reply simultaneously, and this time Koyama meets Shige’s eyes when they glance toward each other with a small laugh.</p><p>“I have a day off before the play starts,” Massu says, swiping through his phone until his calendar shows up. “We’re supposed to use it to clear our minds and relax. I was thinking about going to the beach and maybe staying overnight in one of those old-fashioned ryokans. Would you want to join me?”</p><p>Shige peers at the date on Massu’s calendar (the only one that isn’t filled with appointments) and looks at his own phone, pleased to see that his day is also clear. “I’m free, and that sounds fun! I haven’t been to the beach all summer.”</p><p>Koyama doesn’t say anything, and when Shige turns to look at him, he’s frowning at Massu. “Do you really want to waste your only day off with us?”</p><p>Both Massu and Shige slug him in the arm, and Shige sees a flash of what their life would be like if they <em>were</em> in a triad. It’s equal parts terrifying and comforting, which leaves him no energy to deal with Koyama’s insecurity.</p><p>“It’s not a waste if it’s with you!” Massu says so vehemently that Shige feels it in his bones. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to. I don’t do things out of obligation, ever. Know that.”</p><p>“Okay, okay, I understand,” Koyama rushes to say, but he’s smiling now. “The beach sounds nice. I want to try surfing again!”</p><p>“Better pick one with a lifeguard,” Shige tells Massu. “This one wipes out more than the tide.”</p><p>Koyama scoffs. “How am I supposed to get <em>better</em> if I don’t practice, huh?”</p><p>“Just try to stay above the water this time,” Shige says, sending Koyama a knowing look. “I can only fear for your life once every couple of years.”</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Massu tells them both with a big smile. “I’ve passed the lifeguard exam before. If Keiichiro loses to the waves, I will save him!”</p><p>Koyama makes the sappiest expression Shige’s ever seen on his face—and he’s seen a <em>lot</em> of them over the years. Before Koyama can look too obvious, Shige kicks him under the table and Koyama rearranges his face into more of a casual gratitude.</p><p>“Keiichiro trusts his safety to your careful hands,” he says seriously, and Shige actually rolls his eyes, at least until he sees Massu’s face.</p><p>He looks so <em>happy</em>, and all at once Shige knows what Massu had meant when he’d asked if Shige was glowing. He sees something similar in Massu now, and while he has no idea how to feel about it, he finds himself smiling too. Massu’s infectious like that.</p><p>“It’s settled then,” Massu decides, clicking on his empty day to add a new entry. “I’ll take care of all the arrangements, and I’ll even drive. Be ready early, okay? I want to make the most of my day with you.”</p><p>This time, Koyama’s already looking at Shige when Shige glances over, but his expression is smug and Shige ignores it. “Looking forward to it,” is all Shige says.</p><p>They have to wrap up lunch shortly after that, because Massu needs to get back to work and Koyama has a meeting about Taichi-san. Shige suspects it’s less of an official meeting and more of an excuse for Koyama and Taichi to goof off together, but they haven’t gotten into any trouble yet. Shige wonders if Koyama ever talks about him.</p><p>Shige tries to get started on his next writing project, but his mind is a mess. As much as he loves how casual and fun this strange journey has been, the uncertainty of it has him on edge. At least with Koyama, he knows how they feel about each other and that they’re <em>something</em>. Massu hasn’t given either of them any indication than he’s in this for more than just increased camaraderie, although Shige doesn’t want to think about what would constitute as “more” in this instance.</p><p>“Maybe he’s just lonely,” he tells Koyama later on their video call, because Koyama wasn’t even home yet before he was flailing to Shige about everything Massu had said at lunch today. “You’re acting like a teenager.”</p><p>“I <em>feel</em> like a teenager,” Koyama replies, and Shige writes it off as a lost cause when Koyama doesn’t sound remotely offended. “This is how I felt with you.”</p><p>That has Shige’s attention. “What, really?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Koyama replies, grinning as he settles in the bath, his phone precariously perched on a ledge. “Only I was talking my sister’s ear off instead of yours.”</p><p>“Poor neechan,” Shige jokes, and Koyama rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. “No wonder she always hugs me and thanks me for taking care of you.”</p><p>“She was worried at first,” Koyama says, and Shige listens because he hasn’t heard this before. “Because I was so sensitive, she thought you might inadvertently hurt me.”</p><p>“<em>Was</em> so sensitive?” Shige teases, and Koyama pouts at him. “What made her change her mind?”</p><p>“How you acted with me,” Koyama answers. “The first time we were all together after I told her about us, you were really attentive toward me and she knew then that it would be okay. And it was! Especially after we stopped trying so hard to have a relationship.”</p><p>Shige laughs out loud. “I was so relieved. I really didn’t want to break your heart.”</p><p>“That’s the way you look at Massu now, you know.” Koyama smirks as he pushes his wet hair out of his face. “I watched you today. You’ve always been honest with me about your feelings, so you must not be being honest with <em>yourself </em>this time. Why won’t you allow yourself to like him?”</p><p>“Because it’s Massu!” Shige exclaims. He’d just been lying on the couch with his phone propped up in front of him, and now he buries his face into a decorative pillow. “Because I really don’t think he’s into us like that,” he adds defeatedly.</p><p>“Even if he’s not, we can all have fun together,” Koyama says with a saucy eyebrow waggle.</p><p>Shige cringes. “You say that like we’re going to do anything other than cuddle.”</p><p>“If you don’t think anything like that is gonna happen, why are you being so weird about this?” Koyama asks point-blank. “Or, could it be...you <em>do</em> want something to happen?!”</p><p>“I don’t know what I want!” Shige explodes. “I don’t know what <em>he</em> wants either. The only thing I know for sure is what <em>you</em> want!”</p><p>He feels Koyama’s eyes on him as he breathes deeply, trying to calm down, and when he looks at the screen again, Koyama’s giving him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>“I’m not used to feeling something for more than one person like this,” Shige goes on, letting out everything he’s been struggling to keep locked up inside. “It may be second nature to you, but I’m not that emotionally flexible. All I’ve known in my heart for <em>years</em> is you and now there’s someone else and I don’t know how to feel about it.”</p><p>“That’s so sweet I’m gonna cry,” Koyama says, and Shige cuts his gaze over toward the phone only to see that Koyama’s being serious. His eyes are glossy and he’s wearing that dopey grin that he only dons in the rare instances Shige says something romantic to him (usually by accident). “I’m sorry I pushed you so hard about this. I’ll wait for your heart to adapt, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Shige agrees, a bit reluctantly. “Thank you.”</p><p>“I love you~” Koyama drawls out. “Even if you love more than just me. <em>Especially</em> if it’s someone I love too.”</p><p>Shige rolls his eyes. “Good night, Keiichiro.”</p><p>Koyama makes a kissy face at him and ends the call.</p><p>Leaving Shige alone with his thoughts would ordinarily not be a good thing, but getting them off his chest actually helps to lighten his mental load and he manages to put together a decent outline before turning in for the night. He dreams that he and Koyama are fish swimming in the sea, both mesmerized by the tempting bait that dangles in front of them. Shige bites first, and Koyama flaps his fins in a cheer as Shige’s pulled up only to find Massu the human squinting at him.</p><p>“Oh, it’s you,” Massu says, flashing his radiant smile as he carefully removes the hook from Shige’s gaping fish lips. “You’re so important that I should throw you back.”</p><p>“Don’t throw me back!” Shige tries to say, but he’s a fish and he can’t speak human. “I love you!”</p><p>Then he’s diving into the water, his mouth throbbing as he finds Koyama and whines about being important and unwanted.</p><p>“There, there,” Koyama says, running his fins over Shige’s gills in a way that feels really nice. “I’ll always be here for you.”</p><p>Shige smiles in his own fish way until something flashes in one eye and Koyama takes off, heading right for the same bait that had lured Shige a little while ago.</p><p>“Kei-chan, wait!” Shige screams after him, but even though Koyama understands fish language, he doesn’t stop.</p><p>Shige watches with profound sadness as Koyama’s pulled up out of the water, his entire being hoping that Massu throws him back too, that they can be important and unwanted together.</p><p>Koyama doesn’t get thrown back.</p><p>*</p><p>The beach is more crowded than Shige had expected after the end of summer holidays, but they manage to find a somewhat secluded area where they won’t be harassed or photographed. Most of their fans are old enough now (or just smart enough) to respect their privacy, but every now and then a straggler will break through and ruin an otherwise peaceful outing.</p><p>Given the atmosphere between the three of them, particularly with Massu in swimwear, Shige hopes that luck is on their side today. He doesn’t plan on jumping anyone in public, but he can’t really control his face when Koyama happily offers to put sunscreen on Massu’s back and ends up giving him an impromptu massage.</p><p>Watching Koyama touch someone else is interesting. Obviously Shige has no claims on him, but he usually doesn’t see Koyama in action with anyone else he’s involved with. Their understanding is that Koyama does what he wants with whomever he wants, <em>safely</em>, and only offers details if asked directly. Shige doesn’t meet them or even know their names—half of the time, they don’t even know about Shige. That used to bother him, but he understands that Koyama can’t very well go around telling everyone he likes that he’s also fucking his best friend. If it ever got to a point where exclusivity was necessary, Koyama would tell them, but so far he hasn’t reached that point.</p><p>In the past few weeks since their awkward lunch date, Shige has decided that it could only be easier if they were <em>both</em> seeing the same person. He knows about triads from that American cable show Koyama made him watch when they first discovered there was a term for Koyama’s open heart, but he also knows that it’s possible for two people to see the same person separately. The upside is that Massu already knows about Shige, or he would if they were to get to that point, while the irrational fear of Koyama replacing him still runs rampant.</p><p>He <em>knows</em> it’s irrational, because Koyama is not at all subtle about how much he loves Shige and anyone with a pair of eyes can see it, but even all these years later Shige still thinks one of the other people Koyama falls for is going to steal his portion of Koyama’s love too. It doesn’t even make sense to his brain, but his heart aches all the same.</p><p>And it would be a million times worse if it were Massu. Because they’ve known each other just as long, because they have to work together, Shige doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle it. He tries not to think about it, because it’s pointless to get all worked up over something that’s not even real, but it <em>could</em> be and it has Shige way too stressed out on this beautiful summer day at the shore.</p><p>“Hey Zero,” Massu breaks him out of his head. “Let’s have a rematch!”</p><p>Shige’s so grateful for the interruption that he’s agreeing before he realizes that Massu just challenged him to a swim race in the <em>ocean</em>. The waves seem calm enough, but the ocean is much different than an indoor pool and Shige’s not nearly as good of a swimmer as his drama character had been.</p><p>Regardless, he finds himself taking his marks at the edge of the water with Koyama standing further out with his arms spread to give the signal. He’s using a Worldista towel as a flag and looks ridiculous trying to balance while waist-deep in the <em>ocean</em> that doesn’t seem to care that they’re trying to race.</p><p>“To the buoy and back!” Koyama yells, accompanied by some seagulls, and to Shige’s horror they’ve accumulated an audience. It’s mostly older people and he doesn’t see any cameras, but fans are the least of his concerns right now.</p><p>“I don’t want to do this,” he says out loud, and Massu turns to look at him just as Koyama lowers the towel.</p><p>“Hey, Kei, forget it!” Massu calls out, making an X over his head. “We’re not racing!”</p><p>Koyama wades back in and the spectators disperse, looking a bit disappointed—or that could have been Shige’s imagination. Sure enough, Koyama’s face is more worried than anything as he approaches the other two—Massu, who had migrated over toward Shige, and Shige, who had plopped right onto his butt in the sand.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Koyama asks, glancing from Massu to Shige like he doesn’t know whom to direct his concern toward.</p><p>“I...I just...” Shige starts, lowering his head.</p><p>“I got a cramp in my leg,” Massu says, so sincerely that Shige thinks it actually happened even though he knows Massu’s covering for him. “It’ll loosen up in the water, but I shouldn’t force it.”</p><p>“Of course,” Koyama answers, nodding as he flops down between the other two. “Would it help if I massaged it for you?”</p><p>Shige rolls his eyes, but Massu politely refuses and gives Koyama an expectant look. “Weren’t you going to surf?”</p><p>“Oh! Right!” Koyama jumps up and runs for the hut that’s renting out surfboards, and Shige turns back to the water to find Massu floating away from the shore.</p><p>“I may as well already be out here for when I have to rescue him,” Massu answers the unspoken question, flashing a smile that’s even brighter under the sun.</p><p>“Why did you—” Shige starts, pausing when he chokes on nothing. “You didn’t have to lie for me.”</p><p>Massu shrugs while treading water. “You didn’t seem that keen on speaking up for yourself.”</p><p>Something about his tone gets under Shige’s skin, but he can’t find a way to express his feelings without going into everything <em>else</em> that’s on his mind right now. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Is it the depth?” Massu asks, and Shige tilts his head in confusion. “Of the ocean, I mean. Not being able to see the bottom is why a lot of people are scared to swim out here.”</p><p>“I’m not <em>scared</em>,” Shige replies automatically, his defense mechanisms kicking in automatically. “I just don’t want to race you. You’re better, I’ll lose, it’s pointless.”</p><p>Massu looks like he has something to say to that, but he just nods and swims around until Koyama gets back with the board. Shige watches them from the shore, the waves running over his entire body now, but not covering too much. It’s still early in the day and the tide is low, though Koyama does well enough to <em>stand</em> on his surfboard let alone ride anything in.</p><p>“Look! I’m doing it!” Koyama screams, earning the attention of a few nearby families as he shakily balances on the tiniest wave. Shige makes a big show of applauding and cheering as the water pushes Koyama closer, although Koyama falls right off the minute he pumps his fists in the air.</p><p>“Got it!” Massu yells, diving more gratuitously than necessary considering they’re in shallow water. Koyama’s already smacking him away before Massu stands up and carries him princess-style, at least until they’re out of the water and Massu can’t hold him up anymore.</p><p>“My hero,” Koyama says flatly, and Shige laughs out loud at Koyama’s pride overriding his unapologetically flirtatious nature. “How can I ever repay you?”</p><p>“Learn how to surf properly,” Massu answers, and Koyama shoves him right into the sand.</p><p>Massu shoves him back, and Shige thinks they’re actually going to wrestle right here when an older woman runs up to them with a frantic voice.</p><p>“Are you a lifeguard?” she asks Massu. “My son was out by the buoy and I don’t see him anymore.”</p><p>That has Massu abruptly breaking away from Koyama, quickly getting to his feet with the most serious look Shige’s ever seen on his face. “Show me.”</p><p>Koyama turns to give Shige an incredulous look as the other two jog away, and approximately three seconds later they too are scrambling to their feet and following. Not too far away there’s a small crowd gathered, though fans are the farthest thing from Shige’s mind as he sees how worried and panicked they are.</p><p>“He was out there,” the woman tells Massu, pointing toward one of the orange striped buoys bobbing in the water. “I told him to stay away from them, but that Yuuya of mine, he doesn’t listen to anyone. He’s a good swimmer, so I didn’t worry until I looked out and couldn’t find him anymore.”</p><p>Massu shields his eyes as he tries to see out into the sparkling water. “I don’t suppose anyone has binoculars?”</p><p>“I do!” a man answers. He ruffles around in a bag before presenting them to Massu. “What a nice boy you are.”</p><p>“I haven’t done anything yet,” Massu grumbles as he looks up and down the beach. “And I’m thirty-four years old.”</p><p>The strangers genuinely look shocked at that, which Shige would probably snicker at if the situation wasn’t so serious. As it is, his heart is beating out of his chest because if Massu can’t see the little boy at all, he’s already been under for quite a long time.</p><p>Koyama’s clinging to his arm rather obviously, but Shige can’t bring himself to lecture him on public decency right now. As long as Koyama doesn’t try to kiss him, he can do whatever he needs. The contact is actually comforting to Shige, who feels increasingly more useless and helpless by just standing here watching Massu be a hero.</p><p>Then Massu tears the binoculars away from his face and looks around, his eyes landing on the styrofoam lid of a cheap cooler nearby. “I’m borrowing this,” he says, snatching it right off of the cooler and taking off for the ocean.</p><p>The mother reaches for the discarded binoculars and holds them up to her face, desperately searching for what Massu had seen until she makes a sudden noise. “I see him! He’s out past the buoy...looks like he’s struggling to swim back. My sweet baby Yuu-chan, hold on!”</p><p>“Should we get someone with a boat?” Shige suggests. “He might be caught in the current.”</p><p>“My sister is out on her boat right now,” someone speaks up. “I’ll call her, maybe she can swing by. She’s not too far from here.”</p><p>“Tell her to be careful,” someone else calls out. “She can easily run them over if she doesn’t know what she’s doing.”</p><p>The mother starts crying at that, which has Koyama flocking to her side to console her. Shige’s a little proud as he watches Koyama rapid-fire questions to distract her, like what kanji they use to spell their names and what brought them to the beach today. Shige carefully takes the binoculars from her hand and looks out himself, sees Massu’s brightly-colored trunks much closer to the bobbing head of dark hair and flailing arms.</p><p>“I just got off the phone with the Coast Guard,” a man reports. “They’re ten minutes out.”</p><p>“Ten minutes,” Koyama repeats to the woman, whose surname Shige had overheard as Yamamoto. “Our friend can tread water for ten minutes. He’s a really good swimmer. He passed the lifeguard exam.”</p><p>“He’s got him,” Shige calls out the minute Massu reaches the boy, struggling to get him onto the makeshift rescue board while keeping himself afloat. “It looks choppy out there though.”</p><p>Shige watches Massu try to swim back to the shore with Yuuya in tow and wishes there was some way to tell him to stay put. The current must be really strong to hold back Massu, who is the strongest person Shige knows, but Massu keeps trying. At one point, a small wave forms behind them, and Shige hasn’t known true terror until he watches it crash over both of them without being able to do anything. But both of their heads pop back up, and Massu even turns around in annoyance like he’s glaring at the sea for daring to attack him.</p><p>“Just like him,” Shige says under his breath with a chuckle, and now the thumping in his chest isn’t just fear. “Not too much longer, Taka. All you have to do is hold out until the helicopter comes.”</p><p>It is, by far, the longest ten minutes of Shige’s life. Probably longer for Yuuya’s mother and the two stranded out in the ocean. At least Koyama is biding his time well, cooing at the pictures Yamamoto-san has on her phone and keeping her occupied with his natural chitchat. His MC talent comes in handy off stage too in times like these.</p><p><em>Finally</em>, Shige hears the sound of a helicopter and cheers along with the crowd. He looks through the binoculars to see if Massu heard it too, grinning so hard that it hurts when both Massu and Yuuya are waving their arms toward the sky. Shige could probably stop watching now, but he has to make sure they both get rescued and barely blinks until he sees two people secure on the rope ladder, slowly lifted from the ocean.</p><p>“Thank god,” Shige exclaims, making a point to return the binoculars to their owner (with a profuse amount of gratitude) before crashing to the sand himself. “I’m fine,” he adds before anyone can stress out anymore over <em>him</em>, and the next thing he knows is a familiar, gentle hand on his back.</p><p>“It’s okay, he’s okay,” Koyama’s saying, his voice soothing as he rubs circles onto Shige’s bare skin. “Everything ended up okay.”</p><p>Shige bursts into tears. Koyama immediately throws his arms around him and the crowd of people conveniently relocate further up the beach, where there’s a clearing for the helicopter to land. Shige wants to go too, to see Massu with his own eyes and make sure he’s really okay, but there’s so much pressure in his head and the only way it seems to be able to release is through his eyes.</p><p>Koyama holds him for what feels like forever, the sun warming his skin and drying any lingering water droplets as he calms down. After a few minutes of steady breathing, it gets easier to think and Shige lifts his head up in time to see Massu walking toward them, banging his palm against one side of his head.</p><p>“Fuckin’ water in my ear,” he’s grumbling, but he smiles when he sees them both looking up at him. “Sorry if I worried you.”</p><p>Two seconds later, four arms are wrapped around him and he’s got one arm around each waist. “I was so scared,” Koyama admits openly. “I know you’re a good swimmer, but it was so <em>far</em>—”</p><p>“Yeah, I definitely shouldn’t have gone all the way out there,” Massu tells them, sounding a bit sheepish as he makes no effort to end their three-person hug. “The Coast Guard gave me a lecture, but I saw that kid stuck in the current and I didn’t think twice.”</p><p>“Is he okay?” Shige asks.</p><p>“He will be,” Massu tells them. “He’s mostly exhausted from trying to swim so hard. We both are.”</p><p>“You’re a hero for real,” Koyama tells him.</p><p>“I was just another person who needed rescue,” Massu mutters.</p><p>Shige frowns as he pulls back enough to fix Massu with a stern look. “Yuuya-kun was glad to see you, right? Even if he could have waited by himself, knowing that someone was coming to save him had to be better than nothing!”</p><p>Massu stares right into Shige’s eyes and gives a firm nod. “Yeah, he was pretty happy to see me. Thought he was gonna die alone.”</p><p>“The most terrifying thing ever,” Koyama says, giving Massu one more squeeze around the neck before pulling them both back toward their towels. “Let’s go back to the ryokan, yeah? I’ve had enough excitement for one day.”</p><p>“No argument here,” Shige answers, followed by a grunt from Massu. Shige notices the sluggish way Massu’s walking on the sand and slings an arm around his waist, offering some support for Massu to lean on that Massu accepts without hesitation. “So much for calm and relaxation on your day off, huh?”</p><p>Massu laughs out loud. “At least it wasn’t boring.”</p><p>“Definitely not,” Shige agrees, and together they catch up with Koyama who had stopped a ways ahead, looking over his shoulder with a pleased smile.</p><p>*</p><p>Considering how the afternoon had gone, the evening passes by in a welcome blur of nothing. They’d cleaned up at the ryokan, grabbed some dinner at a small restaurant, and checked out the shops on the main road leading to the beach.</p><p>Shige knew when Massu didn’t buy anything that he wasn’t feeling well, but he kept it to himself. There was nothing he could do anyway, just fall in step with the other two and let Massu lead them around until he got tired. Now they’re in the public bath back at the ryokan, though due to the season and the day of the week they’re the only people in it.</p><p>After an entire day of talking (and being terrified), the silence between them is welcome. Massu especially looks pleased to have peace and quiet, though he keeps moving around like he can’t get comfortable.</p><p>“You okay, Taka?” Shige asks, raising his voice a little to be heard over the water.</p><p>“Not really,” Massu answers, squaring his shoulders for a bit before rolling them backwards. “I think I overexerted myself today.”</p><p>“You <em>think</em>?” Koyama replies from where he’s seated between them, and Massu makes a face at him without opening his eyes. “I’ll give you a massage when we get back to the room, if you want.”</p><p>This time, Shige glares at Koyama instead of rolling his eyes, but Massu’s answer is different too. “I’ll take you up on that, thanks.”</p><p>“Of course,” Koyama says, smiling until he notices Shige’s eyes on him. <em>What</em>? he mouths.</p><p>Shige huffs at not being able to answer properly until he notices Massu has submerged his entire head underwater except for his (closed) eyes and nose. Taking the opportunity, Shige grabs Koyama by the arm and hisses into his ear, “I will <em>not</em> let you take advantage of someone who had a near-death experience today!”</p><p>“Who’s taking advantage of anyone?” Koyama hisses back. “Give me more credit than that, please. I’m not trying to get into his pants like this. He’s not wearing any anyway.”</p><p>Shige scoffs at that and looks up to find Koyama giving him a small smile. “A platonic full-body massage?”</p><p>“I can touch him without needing to fuck him,” Koyama says pointedly. “Thank you for your concern.”</p><p>“Whatever,” Shige grumbles, but then Koyama’s head is on his shoulder and he slips an arm around Koyama’s bare waist. He doesn’t move when Massu opens his eyes and sits up, nor when he eyes them in a way Shige can’t decipher.</p><p>Wordlessly, Koyama lifts up his arm and Massu floats over toward them to duck under it. It’s a rather strange arrangement, Shige holding Koyama who’s holding Massu, but it’s comfortable and they stay like that for a good while until Shige’s fingers start to prune.</p><p>After reluctantly trudging to their room in robes, Massu flops right onto his belly on the center futon and Koyama kneels next to him, getting started on his shoulders. Massu makes an appreciative noise and moves around a bit, struggling to do something until Koyama figures it out and pushes the robe down to his waist.</p><p>“I’ll leave it here, okay?” Koyama says gently.</p><p>“We were literally just naked in the bath together,” Massu mumbles into the pillow. “I do not care if you see my butt.”</p><p>Shige looks at Koyama to find Koyama looking back at him, and they both stifle a laugh. “I don’t plan on massaging you there,” Koyama teases.</p><p>“You use <em>all</em> of your muscles to swim, you know,” Massu teases. “I’m really only sore in my shoulders and legs, anyway.”</p><p>“I’ll get your legs,” Shige offers, settling down by Massu’s waist and gently kneading the backs of his thighs.</p><p>Koyama gives him an incredulous look, to which Shige just shakes his head, and they proceed to have an entire conversation without speaking wherein Koyama accuses Shige of trying to do the same thing Shige had accused Koyama of doing and Shige refutes it.</p><p>“You spoil me,” Massu says, unknowingly interrupting them with a happy sigh. “I should get lost at sea every day.”</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” Shige says firmly.</p><p>“You really shouldn’t,” Koyama adds.</p><p>“I was so mad,” Massu tells them, and Shige struggles to tear his attention away from the firmness of Massu’s hamstrings because this one is actually talking about his feelings. “I should have been scared, right? But no, I was pissed off, because if I didn’t make it back then we couldn’t perform anymore and I <em>refuse</em> to go out like that.”</p><p>“Just like you,” Shige mutters, and Koyama laughs. He wants to say more, but deems it better to stay quiet for now, focused on rubbing the sore muscles as opposed to trying to vocalize his thoughts.</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Massu makes a very sudden, very <em>loud</em> noise that can only signify pleasure, which baffles Shige because he and Koyama haven’t moved their hands this entire time.</p><p>“The water came out of my ear,” Massu reports. “Everything feels so much better.”</p><p>“Good,” Koyama says. “Let me know when you want to turn over.”</p><p>“Now is fine.”</p><p>Koyama holds up the robe like the actual massage therapist does and Shige has to help Massu roll onto his back, his body completely deadweight from exhaustion and half a massage. Koyama situates the robe below Massu’s waist and they both return their hands to Massu’s body, Koyama rubbing the pecs and biceps while Shige takes the quads.</p><p>It’s different now that Shige can see Massu’s face, and Koyama’s lock on it signifies the same. Massu looks totally peaceful, his plump lips slightly parted while his forehead only creases a little bit, and Shige thinks he looks beautiful in this moment, completely trusting under the two sets of hands on him.</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t want to race earlier,” Shige blurts out, and Koyama seems surprised to see that Shige’s looking at him and not Massu. “The buoy seemed so far away and the ocean is unpredictable and Massu’s a <em>much </em>better swimmer than me—”</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay,” Koyama says gently, prying away one of his hands from Massu’s shoulder to pat Shige’s forearm. “Massu had a cramp anyway, and—”</p><p>“That was a lie,” Massu says, and Koyama gives him an odd look even though Massu’s eyes are closed. “I said that to protect Shige, since he was going to do it even though he didn’t want to.”</p><p>Now Koyama stares at Shige in a mixture of sympathy and disappointment. “Since when can’t you be honest with me?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I—” Massu starts.</p><p>“He’s talking to me,” Shige mumbles, grabbing Koyama’s hand to hold it properly while Massu makes an “ah” of understanding. “It wasn’t you, it was everyone who was watching us. I didn’t want them to see me fail. Besides, the water looked unpredictable.”</p><p>“It was,” Massu says needlessly. “If we’d gone all the way out to the buoy, it might have been you I was hauling out of a current.”</p><p>Shige squeezes his eyes shut at the thought, but Koyama rubs his thumb enough to keep it from feeling too bad. “I’m glad my anxiety is good for something,” he jokes.</p><p>“Don’t even think about that,” Koyama says firmly, giving Shige’s hand one last squeeze before returning to Massu’s upper chest. “We’re okay, Yuuya-kun is okay, let’s just relax and take care of Massu.”</p><p>“Yeah, take care of me,” Massu says pointedly, grinning as the other two get back to work, and his faint sounds of approval are the only things Shige hears for the next several minutes.</p><p>He carefully smooths out the tension in Massu’s thighs until his hands can’t take anymore, hissing as he tries to stretch them out, and Massu pops one eye open to frown at him.</p><p>“If it hurts, stop already,” Massu tells him, prying open his other eye when Koyama gives him a guilty look. “There’s no reason for all three of us to be sore. What kind of idols are we?”</p><p>“The best kind,” Koyama answers, grinning as he helps Massu sit up and slip back into his robe. “Do you want to sleep now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Massu answers, falling right back where he was the instant Koyama lets go of him, and Shige laughs as he and Koyama stretch out on either side of him and spread out all three duvets.</p><p>“Hey,” Massu says once the lights are out and the only sounds are the crashing waves in the distance. “Is it weird that I want you guys to sleep closer to me? Like, not full-out hugging, but make contact with me somehow.”</p><p>“That’s not weird at all,” Koyama says, rustling the sheets as he scoots toward Massu. “You did almost die today.”</p><p>“It’s not just that.” Massu huffs, like whatever he’s trying to say isn’t coming out right. “I mean, I guess it is a little, but I also think about this a lot. Like, Nakamaru said it was weird, but you said it’s okay for guys to be close like this, so I want to.”</p><p>“Nakamaru is weird,” Shige mumbles as he resituates himself, yelping when Koyama reaches across Massu to smack him on the arm. “He is!”</p><p>“I told him he was a victim of the man devil,” Massu says, and Shige grins into the fuzzy material of Massu’s robe. “I couldn’t remember the word ‘patriarchy’ in the moment.”</p><p>“Good enough,” Shige tells him, hugging Massu’s arm to his chest like it’s a stuffed animal. “Is this enough contact for you?”</p><p>“Perfect,” Massu says, and Koyama lets out a soft sigh from Massu’s other side. “Thank you. I’m so glad I decided to be closer friends with you both.”</p><p>“Me too,” both Koyama and Shige reply, and Shige barely gets out a “good night” before he’s out.</p><p>He wakes up entirely too comfortable for someone who’d slept in his robe, but that’s mostly because he’s enveloped in a pair of arms that immediately retract when someone’s phone alarm goes off. He whines; it’s not even light outside.</p><p>“Your alarm is Let’s Go to the Planets?” Koyama asks sleepily.</p><p>“It’s a good song,” Massu replies, sounding more tired than Shige who hasn’t even moved yet despite being the first to hop out of bed. “Come on, you two. I have to work today.”</p><p>Both Koyama and Shige grumble the whole way out of their futons and into something that passes as decent clothing, and by the time Shige has both of his eyes open, he’s in the backseat of Massu’s car. It’s only fair since he rode shotgun on the way down, but now he’s finding the advantage in stretching out along the seat and letting the rumble of the engine and the bumps in the road lull him right back to sleep.</p><p>“Thanks for taking care of me last night,” Massu tells them when he drops them both off at Shige’s place, where Koyama had left his car. “Even with the whole almost-dying thing, I had a really good time with you both.”</p><p>“So did I,” Koyama replies, and Shige gives what he hopes is an affirmative noise from where he’s slumped onto Koyama’s shoulder. “We’ll have to do it again sometime. Minus the almost-dying thing.”</p><p>“Maybe next time we’ll go to the mountains,” Massu says, then flashes a smile as he drives off.</p><p>Koyama lingers on the sidewalk for a few seconds before beginning the treacherous journey of lugging most of Shige’s body weight and all of their bags toward Shige’s apartment. “You could help.”</p><p>“I could,” Shige says facetiously, making a big show of pulling out his keys for Koyama to open the front door. “You want to come in and sleep a little longer?”</p><p>Koyama stares out the window at the sun barely breaking the horizon and nods. They dump their bags right there in the genkan and crawl straight into Shige’s bed, losing their clothes along the way, though Shige’s hands just run along Koyama’s arms and over his hips as they curl up together. Koyama’s arms wrap firmly around Shige’s waist, thumbs stroking along the vertebrae of his spine.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Koyama says, so suddenly that Shige jumps.</p><p>“What?” Shige asks, tired enough to be more annoyed than concerned.</p><p>“I fell in love with him.”</p><p>Shige exhales as he processes those words and everything they <em>mean</em>.</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>*</p><p>The timing is either the worst or the best. With Massu’s stage play running for almost four straight weeks, the only interaction Koyama and Shige have with him is in their group chat, save for one awkward Zoom meeting where they planned the group anniversary messages. Of course, they go see the play, more than once, but watching their third member act like someone else just makes Shige want to see more of him as <em>himself</em>.</p><p>“We’re sure doing this a lot lately,” Shige comments after the tenth or fourteenth morning he wakes up in Koyama’s arms, worn out from the night before. “Isn’t it wrong to get off together when we’re both thinking about someone else?”</p><p>“Does it feel wrong to you?” Koyama asks sleepily, the words muffled by Shige’s hair. “Or does it just feel like it <em>should</em> be wrong?”</p><p>“It’s too early for this much thinking,” Shige grumbles, frowning at the time on his phone because he really does have to get up now.</p><p>But even when he’s been awake for several hours, he can’t wrap his mind around the concept. Koyama had determined a long time ago that Shige was simply not polyamorous, and that’s okay because they didn’t have the kind of relationship where they needed to be exclusive. All irrational fears aside, Shige <em>likes</em> that Koyama’s heart seeks out more than just him, because there’s a substantial lack of pressure for Shige to be <em>everything</em> for him.</p><p>Romantic love has consistently been a struggle for Shige. As a kid, he figured it was something he would feel when he was older, but all he felt when he was older was resentment. He didn’t <em>want</em> to waste his time and energy on another person out of social obligation, and being told that’s just what people do in relationships made him not want to do it even more. He was able to develop feelings for other people, but the minute they <em>required</em> things from him he got suffocated and ran.</p><p>Now that he’s in his thirties, his orneriness has faded into a sort of jaded acceptance that he just isn’t programmed for traditional relationships. His life became immensely better once he stopped trying to date properly and just focused on work and his hobbies, not to mention whatever he’s doing with Koyama. Being with Koyama is easy because Koyama doesn’t demand anything from him; even after so long, Koyama’s happy with whatever Shige gives him, whether it’s hugs or sex or just existing together on a regular day.</p><p>As much as he tries to fight it, he finds himself wondering how Massu would fit into this coexistence. Even after the past couple months of spending more time together, he still doesn’t know how Massu feels about things like romance and sex, or if he even feels anything at all. Shige had learned the terms aromantic and asexual a while back and while the first one definitely applies to him, either or both could apply to Massu. Or neither—Massu could be just another person who wants too much from him, in the universe where he wanted anything from Shige at all.</p><p>Koyama would be okay with that, he thinks. Koyama’s a hopeless romantic and spoils his lovers with gifts and affection, happy to spend all his free time with them and be 110% attentive during that time. It took Shige <em>years</em> to get Koyama to stop buying him random shit that he had no use for, limiting Koyama’s presents to birthdays and holidays with a firm understanding there would not always be reciprocation. Koyama doesn’t expect anything from Shige and that’s the only reason this works at all.</p><p>At the same time, Koyama doesn’t want to be tied down to just one person. He’s a free spirit even if he’s conservative about it, not quick to jump into someone’s bed or heart without putting in a lot of hours beforehand. It’s not that he’s slow to love so much as he loves so fast and so hard that it hurts <em>him</em> if it’s only temporary. When Koyama accepts someone into his heart, it’s for life, something that used to terrify Shige until he understood that Koyama’s love spans the entire spectrum from cherished friend to lifelong soulmate.</p><p>Adding Massu, Shige realizes with a mixture of awe and fright, may be exactly what they need to balance them.</p><p>Talking to Koyama about it proves about as helpful as talking to Koyama about <em>them</em>, but Koyama’s wholly on board for anything remotely resembling <em>real</em> member love. They were both able to adapt to each other’s irregularities when it comes to being together, after all, so Massu can’t possibly be any worse. That is, if Massu was interested in doing something like that at all.</p><p>The only conclusion Koyama and Shige come to is that Massu has to be the one to approach them about it, because either one of them doing it first has the potential to ruin everything they’ve built between the three of them so far. And it undermines Shige’s belief that men can be intimate with each other and still be friends.</p><p>They <em>are</em> still friends, Shige assures himself in the days leading up to the last performance of Massu’s play. Shige was perfectly fine with platonic hugs <em>before</em> he fell for Massu at the beach. Even if Massu never makes it clear that he wants more from them, Shige will happily continue snuggling with the two of them while they watch movies or sleep and spend time with them an ample distance apart. </p><p>Shige’s love is not contingent on actions or even reciprocation; all he needs is comfort and support. In that way, he and Koyama are alike.</p><p>“Do you two do anything else other than eat and watch movies?” Massu asks them at their first NEWS job after the play ends. “I want to go <em>out</em>.”</p><p>“We are out,” Koyama counters.</p><p>Shige’s packing up his laptop, having snuck in some work on his new project during breaks from filming a PV, when he sees Massu frowning at planning yet another “inning” at Shige’s place. “We can’t really go anywhere without being recognized, and I don’t think any of us want to get into trouble right now,” he points out.</p><p>“Who’s getting in trouble?” Massu replies. “I like hanging out with you guys and all, but you’re honestly a pair of homebodies, and we do <em>not</em> have the same taste in movies.”</p><p>Shige shrugs, because it’s true, while Koyama looks a little insulted as he asks, “Where do you propose we go then, huh, Mr. Adventure?”</p><p>“Literally anywhere,” Massu tells them, sounding desperate. “There are plenty of things we can do without getting in trouble. We can go roller-skating, shopping, dancing, take a walk around the fucking park, <em>anything</em> to get out of the house. I’ve been working for an entire month straight and all I want is to go <em>outside</em>.”</p><p>“You don’t need us to do any of that,” Shige points out. “Take one of the juniors out if you want to go so badly. Any one of them would jump at the chance to go anywhere with you.”</p><p>Massu makes a conflicted face. “I don’t want to go out with any of them. I want to go out with you. Both of you. I like how I feel when I’m with you.”</p><p>Shige is very glad that Koyama’s standing behind Massu, because his eyebrows nearly fly clear off of his forehead with how high they’re raised and he gives Shige a very dramatic drop-jaw. Since Shige’s in Massu’s direct line of sight, he just forces his lips into a straight line and nods like he understands exactly what Massu’s saying. (He kind of does.)</p><p>“The park sounds nice,” is all he says. “It’s not quite autumn yet, but it’s cool enough to walk around.”</p><p>“I have an idea,” Koyama declares, swooping in to place himself right between Massu and Shige. Shige supposes he should be grateful that Koyama fixed his face first. “How about Massu plans an outing for us, and we’ll go wherever he wants?”</p><p>“I like that idea,” Massu tells them.</p><p>“What if I don’t want to do whatever activity he picks?” Shige asks, only a little ornery. Maybe he hasn’t grown out of it after all.</p><p>“Then you can sit out,” Koyama replies just as facetiously. “It’ll be like when we went to the amusement park and you all rode the roller coasters while I stood and watched with the staff.”</p><p>Shige cracks up at the memory while Massu lights up. “There’s another thing we can do! Thanks for the suggestion, Kei.”</p><p>“Anytime,” Koyama grumbles, shooting Shige a glare that has Shige laughing even harder.</p><p>It takes some juggling to find a day they’re all free, but they manage even if Koyama still has work in the morning. What goes unspoken is that they don’t have to work early the <em>following</em> day, so they can stay up late without worrying about dragging ass. The crack-of-dawn commute home from the beach was something none of them wanted to repeat.</p><p>A few days before the outing, Koyama and Shige are in the NEWS na Futari van on their way back to Tokyo after filming on location when Massu sends a rather excited, emoji-filled message in their group chat. Apparently, he had finished all of the arrangements for their day together and he hopes they both will enjoy it.</p><p>They both reply with emojis and “looking forward to it!” while Koyama smiles brightly and Shige isn’t sure how to feel about any of this.</p><p>“Why does this feel like a date?” Shige finally asks.</p><p>Koyama shrugs. “Maybe it is.”</p><p>Shige expects the rush of anxiety like every other time he’s thought about the three of them like that, but it doesn’t come. Nothing has changed in regards to the uncertainty that triggers his overthinking, yet he just leans back against the seat and hopes Massu didn’t pick anything too physically exerting for them to do.</p><p>It occurs to him later when he’s cleaning the bathtub that the reason he’s not stressing about it anymore is because <em>Massu </em>is the one who really wants to go out with them. Whether it’s platonic or not, Massu has <em>some</em> kind of desire for their company, enough to speak up when he’s gotten bored of their usual activities instead of seeking out others. It’s genuinely Shige and Koyama whom Massu wants to be with, without putting any kind of label on it, and as far as Shige’s concerned, it’s perfect the way it is.</p><p>He has the fish dream again, but this time Massu throws both Shige and Koyama back into the ocean after catching them. Neither one of them are upset about it, because they know Massu will be back to lure them again.</p><p>*</p><p>An hour into their maybe-date, Shige remembers why he stopped going shopping with Massu. At least this time Massu is picking out clothes for more than just himself, eyeing Shige’s backside a little more critically than Shige would like as he tries on outfit after outfit.</p><p>“I don’t really need new clothes,” Shige says gently.</p><p>“The place I’m taking you tonight is upscale,” Massu tells them, tugging on Shige’s waistband a few times before shaking his head and sending Shige back into the dressing room. That’s a no for these pants, then. “Not fancy upscale, but trendy upscale. I want us all to look good.”</p><p>“I’m trendy,” Koyama says with a pout, already laden with several bags from stores they’ve already visited, and both Massu and Shige turn to give him pitiful looks. “I am!”</p><p>The next pair of pants Shige tries on are much more flattering judging by the way Koyama pauses halfway through an eclair to stare at him, and even Massu seems satisfied. Shige doesn’t care much about coordination, but that just means he trusts Massu’s opinion and allows himself to be spun around and assessed from every angle like this was photo shoot.</p><p>It’s the middle of the week, so the mall isn’t that busy, and none of them really care if they get photographed shopping anyway. Being seen together outside of work can only improve their group image, and Koyama and Shige are experts at discerning how much physical contact is socially acceptable by now.</p><p>Once they both have Massu-approved ensembles, they stash the bags in Massu’s trunk and drive to a random park Massu had found that was far enough away from the city to be quiet and peaceful. There were a few families playing with their kids, but there’s more than enough room for the three of them to stroll through the trees and enjoy nature.</p><p>“You two get to go outside for NEWS na Futari, but I’m cooped up in a studio,” Massu says, lifting his arms like he wants to hug the sky. “I don’t remember the last time I had fresh air that wasn’t through a car window. Probably not since we went to the beach.”</p><p>“There’s a nice park by where my sister lives,” Koyama offers. “Maybe one day we can head out there and barbeque or something. She would probably join us.”</p><p>“That sounds nice.” Massu’s grinning as he spins around a few times. “The weather is so pleasant today! I’m happy.”</p><p>It <em>is</em> really nice outside, though Shige would still much rather be parked on his couch or even taking a nap. He supposes they’re just different this way. At least he doesn’t have to do anything other than walk through a park. It’s a relaxing reprieve from shopping, anyway.</p><p>“Look, Shige, a swingset!”</p><p>Shige’s already rolling his eyes before he follows Koyama’s voice to the structure in question. It’s one of the metal ones, clearly a few decades old, and it creaks a little when Koyama sits on one of the two swings and starts to kick himself up.</p><p>“I remember when I used to race to see who could swing the highest and jump off,” Massu sounds from behind Shige, startling him a little. “I was lucky I never broke anything. A few of my elementary school friends did.”</p><p>“Did you win?” Shige asks, and Massu makes an affronted tutting sound.</p><p>“Of course I did. There are benefits to being small.”</p><p>They watch Koyama move back and forth, thankfully at a reasonable height, until Koyama points to the empty swing and Shige gestures for Massu to be the one to join him. Shige takes the opportunity to lean against a tree and watch the two of them swing together, struggling to get in sync until Massu swings to the side and grabs one of Koyama’s chains. They stare at each other for so long that Shige honestly thinks they’re going to kiss, then Massu pushes back and they swing from side to side while trying to avoid each other.</p><p>“You two are gonna hurt yourselves!” Shige yells over to them, frowning when Koyama calls him Dad and Massu just laughs. “The youngest should not be the most responsible.”</p><p>He watches disapprovingly until the swinging slows to a stop, neither Koyama nor Massu quick to jump off. Both of their hands are filthy and Shige thinks they might need a tetanus shot after touching those chains for so long, but then Massu pulls some hand sanitizer out of his pocket and they both clean up.</p><p>“If you are done being <em>children</em>,” Shige says pointedly.</p><p>“You know you want to swing,” Koyama tells him, hopping off only to drag Shige into the seat he’d just vacated. “You don’t even have to move. I’ll push you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to—” Shige starts, but then Koyama’s hands are applying pressure to his back and now he’s the one flying through the air. “I forgot how nice this feels.”</p><p>“Swinging is therapeutic,” Massu calls over from the next swing, and it’s surreal to see him staying still while the rest of the world is moving. “Something about one’s position in space. I don’t know the specifics, but a lot of people say they feel less stressed after swinging. I read an article about it.”</p><p>Shige smiles despite himself. “I do feel a little better.”</p><p>“Are you not feeling well?” Massu asks, halting his swing so suddenly that Shige’s equilibrium is knocked off-balance. “I can take you home for a while if you want. The rest of my plans aren’t until later this evening.”</p><p>“Actually, do you mind?” Shige asks, feeling sheepish even though Massu’s practically falling over himself to help Shige up from the slowing swing. “I know I wasn’t the one who worked this morning, nor did I just finish a stage play, but somehow today has been a <em>lot</em> and I just want to not move for a while.”</p><p>Massu’s grin seems out of place as he reaches for Shige’s hand. “I’m so glad you trust me enough to tell me these things, Shige. It always upsets me when you hide your pain and push yourself past the limit for the sake of others. You don’t need a reason to stop doing something, you know. Because you want to is good enough.”</p><p>Shige nods as Koyama squeezes both of his shoulders from behind and adds, “What he said.”</p><p>Koyama stays like that as they walk back, like he’s guiding Shige to the car, and Shige lets it happen. He’s deposited in the passenger seat, but Koyama instantly wraps his arms around the seat <em>and </em>Shige from the backseat, ignoring Shige’s requests to sit back and put on his seat belt. Then he feels a hand on top of his and his eyes fly open, because both of Koyama’s are on his arms.</p><p>“Is this okay?” Massu asks, holding onto all four of Shige’s fingers as he pulls onto the main road to head back to the city. “I wanted to comfort you with contact and there aren’t many options while I’m driving.”</p><p>Shige lets out a small laugh and squeezes Massu’s hand. “Any way you want to touch me is fine.”</p><p>A gasp sounds from behind him, but Massu just grins and holds Shige’s hand the whole way home, tapping his thumb in time with the music. When they get to Shige’s apartment complex, Massu just pulls up in front instead of finding a space, and Shige’s only a little bummed that Massu isn’t planning on coming inside with him.</p><p>“I’ll pick you back up around seven, okay?” Massu calls out as Shige hoists himself out of the car, though if he’s being honest the biggest struggle was letting go of Massu’s hand.</p><p>Koyama helps him with his bags from the trunk, taking advantage of the semi-privacy to hiss, “<em>Any way you want to touch me is fine?!</em>”</p><p>“I thought you polyam folks didn’t get jealous?” Shige teases, and Koyama rolls his eyes. “What are <em>you </em>gonna do for three hours?”</p><p>“Play with my cat,” Koyama answers seriously. “Maybe take a nap.”</p><p>Shige nods and balances his bags on his arms while Koyama closes the trunk. “See you later.”</p><p>His apartment feels more welcoming than usual, though Shige’s not tired in the way where he wants to sleep. He hadn’t exerted himself either—he was just <em>feeling</em> too much. Somehow, being around Massu and Koyama today had been emotionally exhausting. He doesn’t really understand why, and he definitely doesn’t want to try and figure it out.</p><p>The Internet entertains him until he needs to get ready to go back out, the process of getting dressed and doing his hair so strangely reminiscent of work that he has to remind himself that he’s not filming anything tonight. Massu had said trendy upscale, so he goes for more a subdued look than flashy idol, though his hair looks fluffy no matter what he does. Stupid humidity.</p><p>Massu’s out front at seven on the dot, though this time Koyama’s riding shotgun. Koyama’s outfit had included a fedora and it looks <em>damn</em> good on him, making Shige have to pry his eyes away long enough to get in the backseat. Massu’s normally fashionable, but he’s more dressed up than usual and Shige’s eyeing him as well, cursing his weakness for stylish men as they cruise along a route that’s very familiar to Shige.</p><p>“Are we going to Nichome?” Shige asks.</p><p>“Yup,” Massu answers. “It’s a night club, but there’s a game area if you don’t feel like dancing.”</p><p>Shige meets Koyama’s eye in the side mirror. “Are <em>you</em> going to dance?”</p><p>“Of course,” Massu answers.</p><p>“With <em>men</em>?” Koyama jumps in.</p><p>Massu laughs. “Well, I was hoping to dance with you two, but if you don’t want to I’ll just dance by myself.”</p><p>Koyama looks like Massu had just asked them to have sex right here in the car and Shige’s sure his own face isn’t far off. More than anything, Shige wishes the two of them could sidebar and discuss what the fuck was happening here, but they’re still a ways away and sending phone messages would be too obvious.</p><p>“I’ll dance with you,” Koyama finally says. “It’ll be fun.”</p><p>“Yeah, and we won’t get in trouble either,” Massu says, and Shige belatedly realizes that <em>this </em>is the logic behind Massu’s shocking decision to take them to the <em>gay district</em>. “Whenever I would go to regular clubs, women would talk to me and I was too worried about a scandal to have a good time. Then Nakamaru told me that a lot of people from our agency—mostly senpai—come to Nichome to have meetings or just relax where there won’t be any women.”</p><p>“Taichi has mentioned that too,” Koyama speaks up, looking much calmer now.</p><p>Shige frowns. “That sounds kind of misogynist.”</p><p>“Oh no, it does!” Massu exclaims suddenly, sending a quick wide-eyed glance over his shoulder before returning his eyes to the road. “I didn’t mean to...but I guess it is. It’s the patriarchy again, right? We’ll get in trouble for talking to women but not for talking to men. I would <em>absolutely</em> be going to a regular club if being anywhere near women wouldn’t land me on the front page of Bunshun.”</p><p>“But, like, isn’t it disrespectful for straight men to use gay men’s spaces for their own comfort?” Koyama asks, and Shige almost kicks the back of his chair at how obviously he’s trying to uncover Massu’s sexuality. That one has no tact.</p><p>“Maybe, but most of us aren’t really straight,” Massu says. Shige prides himself on keeping his mouth closed. “I mean, I guess I am, but I’m not going to freak out if another man hits on me. I’d be flattered, actually. But most importantly, it won’t end up in tabloids.”</p><p>There it is. Shige’s surprised how much his heart sinks at the admission, never mind that Massu had pretty much called both of <em>them</em> out. Shige’s not as bothered about that though, and neither is Koyama judging from the silence in the front seat.</p><p>“Besides,” Massu goes on, completely oblivious, “they have bracelets you put on at the door depending on whether you’re there to meet people or not. That way, nobody gets any unsolicited attention.”</p><p>“That’s...a really good idea,” Shige admits.</p><p>“Too bad it doesn’t work,” Koyama points out. “I watched this TV show where someone had a ‘stoplight party’ where you wore red if you were seeing someone, yellow if you were interested in someone at the party, and green if you were single. Almost everyone dressed based on what they wanted <em>other</em> people to think instead of how they really felt.”</p><p>“What if you were interested in someone, but didn’t know if they’d be at the party?” Massu asks thoughtfully.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Koyama answers. “That’s a good question.”</p><p>“Kei,” Shige says slowly. “How <em>old</em> were the people at this party?”</p><p>Koyama’s voice turns sheepish. “High schoolers.”</p><p>“I think adults would be more truthful,” Shige tells him.</p><p>“I certainly wouldn’t want to wear something advertising my ass to an entire <em>gay</em> club,” Koyama grumbles. Shige thinks he has a point. “I bet lots of people wear bracelets saying they’re not looking when they really are.”</p><p>“At any rate, nobody will bother us,” Massu tells them. “Security actually enforces it so that people who just come to have fun aren’t harassed. It works both ways—people who are looking don’t want to waste their time with someone who’s not.”</p><p>Koyama seems to accept that and the rest of the ride is quiet. Shige senses that Koyama’s a bit crabby from the revelation that Massu is definitely <em>not</em> into them that way and reaches around the side of the passenger seat closest to the door to pat his arm. When Koyama elbows him away, Shige knows he’s upset too.</p><p>The bright lights of Nichome have felt like home to Shige ever since he accepted his sexuality, but this is the first time they’ve looked so sad.</p><p>*</p><p>Dancing isn’t typically something Shige does if it’s not choreographed, but a couple drinks and some bass-heavy music has him grooving in his seat. It’s not enough to actually get him out on the dance floor, but he sees the appeal.</p><p>They’ve been here for a few hours and Massu’s still going, moving so fluidly amidst a throng of gyrating men that Shige can’t take his eyes off of him. Massu’s dancing is usually mesmerizing, but watching him move to the beat on his own is even better.</p><p>“<em>Shige</em>,” Koyama pulls him out of his slightly intoxicated trance. “Do you want to play darts, or do you want to pine over Massu?”</p><p>“Can’t I do both?” Shige replies, tossing a pout over his shoulder because this is the last place where anybody would care if Koyama kissed it right off his face.</p><p>It’s a testament to Koyama’s mindset that he doesn’t take the bait, just sighs and leans his chin on Shige’s shoulder to join in on the Massu-watching. “We knew this was going to happen.”</p><p>“That we did,” Shige says.</p><p>“We knew he was straight, and we still built ourselves up to hope otherwise.”</p><p>“That we did.”</p><p>“And now we are <em>saaaaad</em>,” Koyama draws out.</p><p>Shige sighs and leans his head against Koyama’s. “That we are.”</p><p>Koyama wraps his arms around Shige’s neck and Shige reaches up to hold one of his hands, coincidentally using the same one Massu had held earlier today in his battle against toxic masculinity. If Shige wasn’t so disappointed, he’d be proud of Massu for overcoming all of the negative influence he’s been taught and holding another man’s hand simply because he wants to, but Shige’s heart isn’t feeling very feminist right now.</p><p>“I’m gonna go dance with him,” Koyama says suddenly, earning Shige’s attention as throws back the rest of his drink and starts to make his way out of the game area.</p><p>“Are you a masochist?” Shige calls after him.</p><p>“Sometimes!” Koyama replies with a wink, and Shige just shakes his head.</p><p>Now Shige has two people to watch, though he pushes up his sleeves and purposely balances his chin on his hands so his not-looking bracelet is visible. He recalls how Koyama had hesitated a bit too long when choosing which bracelet he wanted, like he was considering hooking up with a stranger just to forget about Massu, but he ended up picking the same one as the others. Shige’s glad; Koyama’s not that kind of person, as much as he would like to be.</p><p>A well-oiled man in a g-string asks Shige if he wants another drink, and Shige shakes his head. He already feels shitty and if two drinks didn’t make it better, no more will. He’s keeping an eye on Koyama’s intake too—so far, they’re both at two. He doesn’t think Massu has drank anything but water.</p><p>Koyama and Massu dancing together is kind of amusing, because Massu actually knows what he’s doing and Koyama just flails around a lot. Koyama usually moves in a way that seems exaggerated and animated, which is only amplified by the alcohol. Shige actually laughs out loud when Massu tries to get Koyama on rhythm by guiding him by the arms, but gives up when Koyama nearly trips over his feet.</p><p>Then the music slows down and several things happen at once: Massu’s hands drop to Koyama’s waist, Koyama wraps his arms around Massu’s neck, and Shige grinds his teeth so hard that his jaw hurts. Massu’s much more successful at getting Koyama to sway with him this way, though that may be because Koyama’s melting into his arms like a teenage girl at a ball, and Shige has to talk himself down from running out there and shoving them apart.</p><p>He’s not jealous; he’s <em>pissed</em>. Here’s this guy who had literally just told them he wasn’t into men <em>all over</em> a man who is clearly attracted to him. Koyama’s not being subtle at all, particularly when he’s moving so sensually, and Shige makes it until he sees their foreheads pressed together before standing up so fast that he almost knocks his stool over.</p><p>Standing is sobering and Shige wonders what he’s actually going to do about any of this. If he drags Massu away from Koyama, Koyama will be upset with him. If he drags Koyama away, Koyama will still be upset with him. The only thing he could really do is confront them both at the same time, so they can <em>finally</em> have everything out in the open and hash it out, but this isn’t really the best venue for a heartfelt discussion.</p><p>So he just stands there, watching Koyama give in to his feelings knowing he won’t get anything in return. He’ll probably jump Shige later, drive over himself after Massu takes them both home, and Shige’s body will be a surrogate for the one Koyama really wants to touch. As much as he knows Koyama loves him and <em>wants</em> him, he wants Massu too and has to settle for just having Shige.</p><p>Shige has worked himself up into quite a frenzy when the song changes and the faster beat returns, Massu easily retracting his arms from Koyama while Koyama looks like he has to pry his entire body away from Massu. Shige thinks that Koyama’s being such an idiot but there’s nothing he can do about it right now, tempted to call an Uber and leave them both to their choices.</p><p>“Shige!” Massu’s voice breaks through his pity party, and Shige sees that smiling face much closer than before. “Do you want to dance with us?”</p><p>“No,” Shige answers, raising his voice to be heard over the thumping music. “I want to go home.”</p><p>“Okay,” Massu agrees, clapping Shige on the back as he moves to the side to let some other people pass by. “Kei, we’re leaving.”</p><p>“So <em>soon</em>?” Koyama whines, still grooving to a beat that is nowhere close to the current song until he sees Shige’s face. “Ah. Let me just go to the bathroom real quick.”</p><p>Shige lights up as he finds his chance to talk to Massu alone. “What are your intentions with him?” he asks the second Koyama disappears into a crowd of people, the words coming out meaner than he intended due to the volume.</p><p>“Intentions?” Massu replies. “I’m just having fun. Isn’t that what we’re all doing together?”</p><p>“Yes, but right now you are leading him on,” Shige says firmly.</p><p>“Leading him onto what?” Massu asks, his smile fading into a look of confusion.</p><p>“Do you really not know, or are you playing dumb?” Shige demands, though he doesn’t give Massu any time to respond. “I don’t even think you’re aware of what you’re doing, but I don’t actually know anything about you like this.”</p><p>“Shige, you’re not making any sense,” Massu says gently. “I think you might be drunk-babbling, but you also sound really mad so I don’t want to dismiss your feelings.”</p><p>Shige takes a deep breath and tries to sort through his swimmy mind for the right words. “Look, I get it, you’re straight,” he starts, “but we’re not. Things like hugging and massages and hand-holding is all fine and good, but <em>that</em>? What you just did to him out there? It crosses a line, one that you have no intention of following through with.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Massu says earnestly, and Shige feels a little guilty about tearing into him like this. “I’ll apologize to him too—”</p><p>“You will say nothing to him,” Shige cuts him off. “We didn’t have this conversation. You came to this conclusion on your own and won’t do it again. He doesn’t need to know.”</p><p>“Okay, but you should know that I’m not really—”</p><p>“I think someone just tried to offer me <em>drugs</em>!” Koyama announces jovially as he joins them. “Of course, I said no, but he kept telling me they were vitamins. They weren’t like any vitamins I’ve ever seen before.”</p><p>“We’re leaving now,” Shige declares, grabbing Koyama by the arm and dragging him out of the club. If they were anywhere else, he’d try to act with more decorum, but they’re hardly making a dent in the drama meter here. Someone at the bar just had a drink thrown on them.</p><p>They make their way outside before Shige realizes that Massu’s not behind them, the cool night air calming him for the few seconds it takes Massu to appear. Massu’s the only person in the parking lot walking in a straight line, including the people who haven’t even entered the club yet, and Shige only bumps into him a couple times as they make the trek back to Massu’s car.</p><p>Shige visibly cringes when Massu’s sound system blares as loudly as they’d left it, but Massu rushes to turn it down. “Thanks,” Shige mutters.</p><p>“I’m sorry I keep making you do things you don’t enjoy,” Massu tells him as he starts the engine. “Thanks for enduring it for a little while.”</p><p>“It’s not...” Shige starts, leaning back in the passenger seat as he stares to the ceiling like the answer will be up there. “Usually, I’m fine with this stuff. Just not today. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Wanna grab something to eat?” Massu asks, and Shige shakes his head. “No? Okay, I’ll just take you home.”</p><p>“Kei’s gonna stay with me tonight,” Shige blurts out, and Koyama’s gone enough to just cheer from the backseat.</p><p>Massu looks like he wants to say something, but he just nods and drives them to Shige’s house. “See you tomorrow at work,” he says as they pile out of the car, Shige hauling Koyama out of the backseat.</p><p>It doesn’t count as taking advantage of someone while drunk when it’s Koyama, who’s no less than thrilled when Shige’s on him the second they get in the door. They knock over everything in their path as they make their way to the bedroom, where Shige channels all of his anger and frustration into sex and Koyama loves it, happy to lie back and take it because he’s usually the one seducing Shige.</p><p>Koyama falls asleep right after they finish, which is fine because Shige doesn’t want to talk about it anyway. What he does do is cling to Koyama while he regrets the past two months, particularly today when he ruined Massu’s carefully curated plans by acting like a rejected brat.</p><p>In the morning, he feels a million times better, mostly because Koyama’s snoring into his hair. He can live with this, he tells himself. Koyama is all he needs.</p><p>*</p><p>The next day at work, Shige expects a confrontation, but Massu is as cheerful as usual. He asks if Shige’s okay and expresses gratitude when Shige says yes, enveloping him in a quick, tight hug before moving onto Koyama.</p><p>“About last night,” Shige whispers while Koyama talks to their group manager. “I’m really sorry for my behavior—”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Massu says dismissively, flashing a smile while Shige starts at being the one cut off this time. “Don’t worry about it. Honestly.”</p><p>“Okay,” Shige agrees, offering his own smile in return, and he thinks Massu’s grows even bigger. He must be infectious too.</p><p>They’re rehearsing for a music program today, and Shige focuses on having fun working with his groupmates instead of wallowing over <em>not</em> working with them. This is what’s important after all—being NEWS, making people smile. They have all fought way too hard to keep this going to let any animosity get the best of them.</p><p>He honestly expects Massu to stop hanging out with them, but they’re already matching schedules while they eat lunch. An entire day out had been a little too ambitious, Massu confesses halfway through his bento, and they should just stick to relaxing evenings or quick outings moving forward. Koyama easily agrees, and even Shige feels good about it, mostly because Massu hugs him again and Massu’s hugs send a shot of dopamine right into his brain.</p><p>He’s still high when he notices Koyama stumble and cringe during formation, abandoning his own point of the triangle to race over to him. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Koyama answers quickly, then lowers his voice. “You were a bit rough with me last night, remember?”</p><p>Shige’s face burns. “I’m sorry—”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Koyama whispers. “I loved it.”</p><p>Shige makes the mistake of looking over to the third point of their triangle, where Massu’s watching them curiously while stretching. “He’s okay,” Shige reports, then quickly returns to his spot.</p><p>For years, he’s been hiding his <em>enhanced friendship </em>with Koyama just fine, but somehow continuing to hide it from Massu is starting to prove impossible. The longer this goes on, the longer Shige just wants to blurt it all out because it’s pointless to keep lying to someone who’s <em>around all the time</em>.</p><p>“If we tell him,” Koyama says a few days later on a voice call, “we have to tell him <em>everything</em>.”</p><p>“Why?” Shige asks stubbornly. “Why can’t we just tell him that we mess around and that’s it? His continued involvement isn’t contingent on the three of us being celibate. Hell, he could be getting laid too. We don’t know his life.”</p><p>“Shige, think about it,” Koyama tells him. “If Massu and I were the ones together, would you want to be around us?</p><p>“Y-yes?” Shige answers. “Isn’t that your endgame?”</p><p>Koyama squeezes his eyes shut with a long whine like the thought of actually being together with Massu is too much for him right now. “Ah, that was a bad example. Pick any other two people you know then. Wouldn’t you feel like a third wheel knowing they’re into each other like that? It would be much better if we tell him we’re into him too.”</p><p>“I definitely do not want to have a threesome with anyone else I know, Keiichiro.” Shige makes a face at the thought. “I see your point though. If he knew about us, then you’d probably be gross with me in front of him like my married friends do and while it’s cute, I definitely don’t want to spend a lot of time with them.”</p><p>“Exactly.” Koyama coughs when Milk swats him in the face with her tail. “So, it’s all or nothing. I’m on team nothing, because I much prefer the way things are than risk losing everything. I don’t know much about probability, but it seems to me that creeping him out and never touching him again is more likely than him returning our feelings and touching him <em>more</em>.”</p><p>“I hate it, but you’re right,” Shige admits. “Are you really okay with him dancing up on you like that, knowing that’s all it’s going to be?”</p><p>“Is that why you were so riled up that night?” Koyama asks knowingly, and Shige frowns at him. “I don’t need to fuck everyone who turns me on, Shige. This is one of the many ways you and I are different. You hate being teased and I love it. If anything, <em>I</em> was the one in the wrong because I was totally getting off on it while he had no idea what he was doing to me.”</p><p>Shige takes a deep breath while he processes that. “If that’s the case, then telling him would be purely for me.”</p><p>“Not entirely,” Koyama contests. “I would definitely benefit from another person like you in my life, but I would also suffer if it were all to stop.”</p><p>“Maybe...” Shige starts, unsure whether he should share the thought he just had. “Maybe you should just be close to him and I’ll stop.”</p><p>“I don’t want that at all,” Koyama says firmly. “If it were anyone else, we could probably make it work, but not Massu. My attraction to Massu <em>is</em> contingent on the three of us together. It’s all or nothing.”</p><p>Hearing the ultimatum again reminds Shige of every argument he’s had with past lovers—hell, every argument he’s ever had with Koyama. Whenever he’s forced to choose between two extremes, usually yes or no, he’ll pick no because his stubbornness has completely turned him off to the whole situation. If he’s not willingly making the decision, he’s much less likely to agree to anything.</p><p>“It’s nothing then,” Shige says, and Koyama pouts at him because he knows exactly what Shige’s doing. “I’m tired. Good night, Kei.”</p><p>“I still love you,” Koyama calls out just before Shige ends the connection.</p><p>What he’s tired of is wracking his mind trying to make sense out of his feelings. Why can’t he be easygoing and casual like Koyama? Or fine with whatever happens like Massu? The rational part of Shige’s brain tells him his logic and penchant for having to figure everything out complements the other two somehow, but that doesn’t help him function right now.</p><p>He really just needs to stop trying to understand what’s happening between the three of them and just enjoy it for what it is.</p><p>Maybe tomorrow.</p><p>*</p><p>Autumn brings forth cooler weather and many more “innings.” Massu’s less inclined to be outside as the temperature drops, and Shige’s reluctance to continue getting close to Massu dwindles with each tight squeeze of Massu’s arms. They find a compromise with the entertainment by taking turns choosing content, which means that they find themselves on a rotation of Oscar nominees, anime, and concerts.</p><p>It’s only every other week or so, but Shige realizes he hasn’t spent this much time with <em>Koyama</em> since they were much younger. The extent of Shige and Koyama’s private interactions were late-night visits or sporadic overnight trips, usually to satisfy physical urges since they could do pretty much everything else in public. Up until they’d developed a mutual interest in Massu, Shige had been alone with him maybe once a month at most.</p><p>He finds that he likes it better this way. He doesn’t mind carving time out of his schedule to spend with them, with nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company. It’s a nice break from all of his jobs and obligations and getting beaten up by his thoughts. He still has plenty of time to take care of business and do what he wants, which includes spending the evening or even a rare afternoon with Koyama and Massu.</p><p>By November, Shige has cooked in both Koyama and Massu’s kitchens, and they even slept over at Massu’s one night when they drank a little too much and Massu hid both of their keys. Massu’s bed can only comfortably fit two, but he had graciously offered to sleep on the couch while Shige had to nearly restrain Koyama to keep him from taking advantage of the opportunity to mess around in Massu’s bed.</p><p>On a particularly nice day, they really do head out to Kanagawa and barbeque at the park by Koyama’s sister’s house. Miki and the kids join them, and Shige stresses for the first time in a long while, because just like Shige’s parents they all think he and Koyama are dating for real. Unlike Shige’s parents, however, Anne in particular is too young to properly keep secrets, nor should she <em>have </em>to—Shige doesn’t want to give her the wrong idea about two men hiding their relationship.</p><p>It turns out he doesn’t need to worry, because Miki takes them aside the minute they arrive under the pretense of retrieving trays of marinated meat from her hatchback while Massu fires up the grill. “I told them you were trying to get Takahisa-kun to be your boyfriend, so they won’t do anything to mess it up.”</p><p>“You did what now?” Shige asks blankly. He’d heard the words she said, but they weren’t processing in his brain.</p><p>“Did you think I wasn’t going to tell her?” Koyama chides him as he lowers the hatch. “I may not chew her ear off anymore, but I still tell her everything. Mom too.”</p><p>“Your <em>mom</em> knows that we want to have a threesome with Massu?!” Shige exclaims in a rushed whisper.</p><p>Miki makes a face at the wording and Shige feels a little guilty for being so blunt. “Our family is very progressive, Shige-chan. My children have known what polyamory is since the day Keiichiro told us he felt that way. I’ve actually gotten into arguments with the school because Haru mentioned it to his friends and their parents think he’s a bad influence.”</p><p>“It’s hardly any worse than what teenage boys <em>normally</em> talk about,” Koyama grumbles. “I would know—I was one.”</p><p>“Sometimes, you still are,” Shige says affectionately, and Koyama elbows him without shifting the plastic containers and foil-lined trays in his arms.</p><p>Massu grins as they bring over the food, in his element with all of his grill tools and an apron that says “Grill Daddy” that was clearly borrowed from Miki’s husband. When he sees all the meat, he makes heart eyes like the characters in Koyama’s anime, then gets to work while Koyama plays with the kids and Shige helps Miki set up their picnic bench.</p><p>“Are you really okay with opening up your relationship like this?” Miki asks him, giving him a knowing look like she’s <em>his</em> older sister. She pretty much is. “Kei said you want it as much as he does, but I’m sensing some reservation on your end.”</p><p>Shige laughs. “Aren’t I usually reserved about things I haven’t yet experienced? You’ve known me since I was fourteen.”</p><p>“Exactly, and while you’ve been nothing but smitten with my little brother this entire time, you seem distant now. Forgive me for continuing to look out for him, but it’s as natural to me as breathing.”</p><p>“I get it,” Shige tells her, flashing a smile that lifts her frown a bit. “I want to do it, but I’m just...did he tell you Massu’s straight?”</p><p>Miki laughs in his face. “Is anyone really straight these days? Just the other day, Ren told me he thinks boys should be able to wear dresses like girls do, but he doesn’t think that means he likes boys. I thought his father was going to have a heart attack.”</p><p>Shige watches the boy in question tackle Koyama on the grass like they were playing American football instead of kicking around a soccer ball. “I’d be happy to talk to him about those things, if you want. I’ve recently learned a lot about gender identity and expression.”</p><p>“You may have to give me a few classes on it,” Miki says as she stirs the potato salad. “From what Keiichiro was telling me though, the three of you sit close together and spend more time with each other than anyone else. Do you really think it’s just workplace camaraderie?”</p><p>Shige sighs. “I don’t know. A lot of it has to do with how men are discouraged from expressing intimacy toward other men in platonic settings. Women can hug and hold hands but it’s frowned upon when men do it.”</p><p>“I definitely do not<em> snuggle </em>with my female friends while we watch TV,” Miki says pointedly. “My husband would have something to say about that, at the very least.”</p><p>“Really?” Shige asks. “I always thought girls were touchy with each other like that.”</p><p>Miki stands up straight, crossing her arms over her chest as she fixes Shige with another one of those sisterly looks. “You know what I think?”</p><p>“No, but I bet you’re gonna tell me.”</p><p>“I think you’ve been with Kei so long that you genuinely think that what the two of you do together is how friends are supposed to act.” She holds up her hand when Shige starts to open his mouth. “Please spare me the details, but unless Takahisa-kun is completely dense, he <em>has</em> to see this for what it is. Given everything you three do together, he’s basically already your boyfriend. You just haven’t told him that’s what you want from him yet.”</p><p>“He <em>is</em> kind of dense,” Shige points out, but Miki just frowns at him. “But what if he doesn’t like us like that?”</p><p>“You won’t know until you ask, Shigeaki~” Miki says in a sing-song voice. “You are not a mind reader, and neither is he.”</p><p>Koyama’s nephews have grown bored with running around, both parked in the shade on their phones, but Anne’s still kicking around a soccer ball and Koyama’s pretending to be unable to steal it. It’s a precious sight, and Shige’s already smiling when he notices Massu watching the pair of them too while he waits for the meat to cook, a fond expression on his face.</p><p>“We don’t want to risk losing what we already have with him,” Shige says softly, speaking from his heart. “Kei’s already attached.”</p><p>“You think?” Miki laughs. “Sometimes, you have to take risks in order to get rewards. If everyone played it safe all the time, nobody would ever confess their feelings. Nobody would take a chance for fear of failure. The world would be full of <em>boring, lonely people</em>.”</p><p>Shige shakes his head at her. “Never change, neechan.”</p><p>“I don’t plan on it,” she says with a grin that makes her look just like her brother.</p><p>Massu finishes up the first round of grilling then, and Koyama whines about starving despite Miki’s insistence that they wait until <em>all</em> the meat is ready. Shige thinks the actual children are better behaved than their uncle is, making Anne giggle behind her hands when he pushes Koyama’s pout right back into his mouth.</p><p>Miki and Koyama get deeply involved in a discussion about family friends whom Shige doesn’t know, so he migrates over to Massu under the pretense of checking on the meat. “How’s it going?”</p><p>“Great!” Massu exclaims, his eyes practically sparkling from his smile. “This is more fun than I thought it would be. It’s nice to be around kids again. My sister hasn’t found anyone worthy of making me an uncle yet. I think she’s pickier than I am.”</p><p>“Is that possible?” Shige teases, and Massu just shrugs. “Do you even like other people that way?”</p><p>The question comes out before Shige can stop it, but Massu doesn’t look affected at all. “Sometimes,” he answers evasively. “I haven’t been single my whole life, you know.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t know,” Shige says pointedly. “You don’t talk to us about this kind of stuff.”</p><p>Massu takes a deep breath, though Shige suspects he’s breathing in the smell of grilling meat as opposed to anything else. “There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t really meet people who check all of my boxes, and the few times I did, it didn’t work out. Usually because of my job.”</p><p>“I get that,” Shige replies, even though he really doesn’t. He dated maybe three people before not-dating Koyama, and it’s only been him since. “What are the boxes?”</p><p>Massu laughs as he starts counting on his fingers like he really does have a list. “Not a Johnny’s fan, obviously. Non-smoker, no pets, clean and somewhat fashionable—at least enough not to make me look bad when we’re photographed together.”</p><p>“Sounds like you’re trying to find a roommate, not a date,” Shige comments, and Massu scoffs. “Anything else?”</p><p>“Likes to eat, cooking is a plus, takes care of their health,” Massu goes on, looking to the sky as he thinks of more. “Adventurous, fun-loving, considerate of others—that’s <em>really</em> important to me. Probably shouldn’t have a temper either. I have enough for the both of us.”</p><p>That’s the truth, Shige thinks, but all he says is, “I bet if you could make an online dating ad, you’d be married within a year. Children to follow.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I want to get married,” Massu says, sounding sudden like he just decided it right now, and Shige tilts his head curiously. “I always thought I did, but now that I’m older I feel like I would be giving up a part of myself to combine my life with someone else’s. That’s selfish, right?”</p><p>“Probably, but if you’re selfish, then so I am.” Shige smiles when Massu turns to stare at him. “I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t cut out for traditional relationships.”</p><p>“I still want kids though,” Massu goes on, appearing more comfortable opening up to Shige like this. “I’ve toyed with the idea of looking into adoption if I don’t find someone by the time I’m forty. I don’t know if they’d let a single man adopt, but who knows, maybe the world will change by then.”</p><p>“That’s not too far away,” Shige points out.</p><p>“A lot can happen in six years,” Massu tells him.</p><p>They fall silent as Massu pokes a few slabs of ribs with the meat thermometer and declares them done. That’s the last of it, to Koyama’s overexaggerated pleasure, and the seven of them crowd around the picnic table to load up their heavy-duty paper plates. Shige notices Anne sitting next to Massu, but doesn’t think much of it until she starts waggling her eyebrows at Shige and nodding toward the oblivious man who’s happily stuffing his face.</p><p>He elbows Koyama, who nearly chokes on his giant bite of meat as he looks over. More subtly than he’s done anything else in his life, he holds his finger to his lips in a “shhh” motion and Anne pretends to zip her lips and nods her head once. One of her pigtails flies into her plate, but Massu actually puts down his drumstick to grab a paper towel and wipe the sauce out of her hair, then goes back to eating like nothing happened.</p><p>“I like him,” Anne hisses across the table, earning the attention of everyone, and Shige’s terrified for the two seconds it takes Massu to grin through his mouthful and pat her on the head with his forearm.</p><p>Koyama starts smacking Shige’s leg under the table and Shige grabs his wrist before <em>they’re</em> the ones under scrutiny. He knows exactly why Koyama’s freaking out, because he feels it too—seeing Massu take care of Koyama’s niece like that is so <em>cute</em> that both of their hearts are swelling beyond their limits. Luckily, there is food with which to cover up their undoubtedly swooning faces, which is sufficiently distracting Massu as well.</p><p>After everyone’s done eating, Miki makes her two sons clean up since the adults did all the prep work, and Massu engages Anne in a word game before she can run off without giving her stomach a chance to digest. Massu’s historically awful at most word games, which amuses Anne even though she doesn’t believe that Taka-nii isn’t just letting her win.</p><p>“This is actual torture,” Koyama whines into Shige’s shoulder, having draped himself over Shige’s back while they both struggle to stand after eating so much. “He can grind against me all day long, but watching him with my princess is just too much.”</p><p>“He told me he wanted kids,” Shige reports in an attempt to cheer Koyama up. “Wasn’t sure if he’d find the right co-parent, but he definitely wants to be a dad.”</p><p>Koyama whines louder. “Why are you telling me this?! It makes my longing even worse. What else did he say?”</p><p>Hiding a smirk—this one really is a masochist—Shige relays his discussion with Massu, and Koyama snorts at some of the qualifications on Massu’s list.</p><p>“You definitely have a temper.”</p><p>“Well, you have a pet,” Shige shoots back. “And you’re not fashionable at all.”</p><p>“You’re not <em>adventurous</em> at all,” Koyama adds, then exhales into a laugh. “Who knew that a barbeque grill invited such deep conversation?”</p><p>“Straight men are only comfortable talking about their feelings with other men when meat is involved,” Shige says. “Probably.”</p><p>“I’ve never been so glad not to be straight,” Koyama says, pressing a kiss to Shige’s cheek since Massu’s back is facing them. “What did you and neechan talk about while I was playing with the kids?”</p><p>“She lectured me about taking risks,” Shige answers pointedly, and Koyama laughs into Shige’s hoodie. “She’s worried that I don’t want to be with Massu as much as you do.”</p><p>Koyama lowers his arms to squeeze around Shige’s waist. “Is she right?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Shige answers honestly. “You and I have completely different feelings when it comes to matters of the heart, so it’s hard to compare.”</p><p>“All these years and she still thinks you’re gonna hurt me.” Koyama sighs. “Shige, the only way you will ever hurt me is if you leave me. I mean my <em>life</em>, not just my bed or even the group. Anything else I can adjust to, as long as you’re still here with me, regardless of what happens with Massu or anyone else.”</p><p>Shige sneaks a hand down to hold onto Koyama’s, lacing their fingers together under the picnic table. “Saying things like that mean more to me than ‘I love you’.”</p><p>“Well, I love you too,” Koyama says, and Shige squeezes his hand. “She thinks we should tell him, but she doesn’t understand everything that’s at stake.”</p><p>“Maybe she’s right,” Shige admits. “It can’t be any worse than it already <em>is</em>.”</p><p>“That’s the wrong reason to do something,” Koyama tells him. “It’s fine when it’s just the three of us, right? We really only get stuck in our heads when we’re alone or it’s just you and me.”</p><p>“You’re stuck in your head too?” Shige asks incredulously.</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Koyama answers. “I haven’t done this much thinking since university. My brain hurts.”</p><p>“Don’t strain yourself,” Shige teases, and Koyama pokes him in the side until he squirms. “Okay, okay. My brain hurts too and I think all the time.”</p><p>Koyama makes a noncommittal noise as they continue to watch Massu with Anne. <em>Now</em> he’s losing on purpose, but she’s enjoying winning too much to notice. Shige notices the older two starting to get bored now that the table is clean and the car is packed. They’ll probably be leaving soon.</p><p>“You know,” Koyama says suddenly, “I don’t think Massu would like knowing that we were driving ourselves crazy over him like this. I know I wouldn’t if it were me.”</p><p>“Yeah, I wouldn’t either,” Shige adds. “But we still risk losing him if we tell him how we feel.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Two hours later, when all three of them are curled up on Shige’s couch in a way that doesn’t disturb their respective food babies, Shige feels Massu’s heartbeat thumping against his ear and talks himself out of doing <em>anything</em> that could take this feeling away. Right now, everything is perfect and nothing hurts.</p><p>*</p><p>The holiday season brings forth more work, less warmth, and a whole lot of things to do. Massu buys a Christmas tree for the first time and insists that Koyama and Shige help him decorate it. They drive around the suburbs admiring the creative things people do with their lights and walk around the city to appreciate store displays. Koyama takes up baking and nominates Massu and Shige as his taste testers.</p><p>It’s all so grossly <em>domestic</em> that Shige feels like they’d agreed to be a triad when he wasn’t looking. He’s fairly certain they didn’t have that conversation, because nobody’s kissing or talking about their feelings (around Massu, anyway), but hugging them becomes second nature and Shige finds that there’s too much room on the couch when it’s just him and Koyama—which isn’t as often anymore.</p><p>Massu has taken to inviting them out whenever he has a free evening, sometimes not even planned in advance. Whenever there’s somewhere he wants to go, he asks Koyama and Shige first, and if they’re free, they go. Once, Shige had been deeply involved in his writing and insisted that they go without him, and another time Koyama had a work appointment and Massu and Shige went without <em>him</em>.</p><p>Of course, Koyama and Shige compared notes over video chat after each occurrence, though not much was different. There was just no one in the backseat and only one other person to pay attention to while they were out. Koyama finds it as unnatural as Shige does.</p><p>“I can’t do this anymore,” Shige hisses during a break in rehearsal for the upcoming Christmas shows while Massu had gone to the snack machine.</p><p>“Do what?” Koyama says absently, dragging his eyes away from his phone and jumping when he sees Shige’s stern face. “Oh, Massu?”</p><p>“Yes, Massu,” Shige replies firmly. “We are fucking <em>dating</em> him, Kei. We have been for several months now. We <em>need</em> to tell him.”</p><p>“Tell him what?” Koyama challenges. “What do we even want from him?”</p><p>“Emotional reciprocation!” Shige exclaims. “Peace of mind. I just...can’t go on like this anymore. I’ve reached my limit.”</p><p>“Then tell him,” Koyama says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and Shige narrows his eyes. “What’s that face for? I’m agreeing with you!”</p><p>“What am I supposed to say?” Shige asks sarcastically. “’Hey Massu, wanna be our boyfriend?’”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Shige blinks, because Koyama’s lips aren’t moving. Slowly, he turns around to find Massu standing in the doorway, a bag of chips danging from his fingers with his usual smile on his face.</p><p>“How much of that did you hear?” Shige asks, his heart thumping in his ears.</p><p>“Enough to confidently answer your question,” Massu says simply. “Is it better now?”</p><p>Koyama looks as shocked as Shige feels. “Is what better?”</p><p>“You two seem pretty upset about this,” Massu tells them, stepping a little closer so they’re not hollering across the room at each other. “I don’t want you to be upset. And I like you both. So, I’ll be your boyfriend, or whatever you want me to be.”</p><p>Shige realizes his mouth is open and closes it firmly. “But you’re straight.”</p><p>“I tried to tell you,” Massu says, looking sheepish for one of the few times in Shige’s memory as he shoves his hands into the pockets of sweatpants. “I’m not really straight, I’ve just only been approached by women so far.”</p><p>Shige remembers their conversation at the grill and how all of Massu’s specifications had been entirely gender neutral. “Oh.”</p><p>He figures Koyama will say something, but nobody speaks. They stand there silently for so long that the staff return and the choreographer’s ready to get back to work.</p><p>“We’re hanging out tomorrow, right?” Massu says before they split up. “Let’s talk about it then.”</p><p>Both Koyama and Shige nod, and they return to their places. Shige notices Koyama sending a text and doesn’t think anything of it until he checks his phone and sees that he has a message.</p><p>It’s not from Koyama. It’s from Miki, and it only says one thing: <em>I told you so! ;)</em></p><p>The rest of rehearsal flies by, and Shige feels lighter on his feet despite fumbling as much as usual. When they pack up to leave, they go over the game plan for tomorrow one last time and Shige realizes that the reason his face hurts is because he’s smiling so big. But that’s okay, because Koyama is positively <em>radiant</em>.</p><p>“You’re really not mad at us?” Shige asks Massu as they head to their cars. “We totally lied to you.”</p><p>“Yeah, you did,” Massu replies. “But how can I be mad when you’re both so happy now?”</p><p>Shige gives him an incredulous look, though he can’t do much about the smile. “There’s nothing logical about that!”</p><p>“It’s probably not logical,” Massu says calmly. “I just have different priorities than you.”</p><p>Shige opens his mouth to fire off more questions, but they’ve reached the parking lot and they’re all sweaty and uncomfortable from rehearsal. “Okay,” he says instead. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Good work today!” Massu calls out as he disappears behind an SUV.</p><p>Koyama’s still standing next to Shige, looking like someone had just pulled the world out from under him. “What the fuck just happened?”</p><p>“I think we have a boyfriend,” Shige answers. Right now, that’s all he can focus on.</p><p>“You won’t even call <em>me</em> your boyfriend,” Koyama says, rushing to add, “and that’s fine! I don’t care about labels.” He fails at hiding a pout. “Why does Massu get one, though?”</p><p>“You and I weren’t having a relationship,” Shige points out as he turns to stare right into Koyama’s face. “Now we are. The three of us are.”</p><p>Koyama blinks. “Not that I’m opposed any of to this, but what makes things between you and me different now?”</p><p>“Because it’s not just you and me anymore,” Shige tells him. “It hasn’t been since the summer. As we became closer to Massu, we also became closer to each other, because we <em>need</em> him in order to be more than just enhanced friends.”</p><p>Koyama wrinkles his nose. “At least you won’t call it that anymore.”</p><p>“I’m not scared anymore,” Shige says, realizing it as he speaks the words. “I’m excited. I didn’t think I’d feel this way with anyone, and I’m feeling it with my two favorite people. I don’t have to worry about not being enough for either of you because you also have each other.”</p><p>“Wow, Shige,” Koyama says, giving him one of those doting looks like Shige had just said something that pierced through his heart. “You really have embraced polyamory in your own way.”</p><p>Shige laughs, looking at Koyama’s exhausted body with bright eyes and thinking about Massu’s smile and the steadiness of his heartbeat. “I love you, Keiichiro.”</p><p>He expects it, but Koyama flings his arms around him right there. Shige supposes he should be glad Koyama doesn’t kiss him in the middle of the office parking lot, but neither of them smell particularly great and Shige barely has the strength to push Koyama away from him.</p><p>“I love you too, so fucking much,” Koyama says with his whole heart, and Shige feels every word. “I’d ask you to come home with me, but I kinda want to save our energy for tomorrow.”</p><p>“I don’t think he’s gonna jump right into bed with us,” Shige teases, instantly regretting the images that take over his mind at that thought. “Waiting until we’re all together is a good idea though.”</p><p>They split up and Shige goes directly home, taking a long, hot bath before crawling into bed. It’s cold outside but he’s nice and warm, swaddled by his own version of love that is much more pleasant than anything he’s felt in the past five months (or several years).</p><p>If he has the fish dream again, Massu won’t be throwing either of them back.</p><p>*</p><p>Shige’s not sure what to expect when they all congregate the next day at Massu’s place, but more of the same is not it. He figured there’d be some awkwardness, maybe even a meeting-like discussion where they go around in a circle (triangle) and share their feelings, but he heads right to the kitchen to unload the groceries he’d picked up while Koyama fawns over how clean Massu’s carpet is like any other time they’ve gotten together.</p><p>It’s too early to start cooking, but Shige does the prep work anyway, figuring it’ll be out of the way when they get hungry. The lights on Massu’s Christmas tree blink brightly despite being the middle of the day, though the outside world is dreary enough to fool them into thinking it’s later. Koyama makes tea and the three of them settle on the couch, naturally gravitating toward each other with Massu in the middle.</p><p>Tension Shige didn’t realize he was carrying disperses as he settles against Massu’s side, matching his heartbeat to Massu’s while Koyama reaches across Massu’s waist to hold his hand. It’s so comfortable that Shige doesn’t feel the need to talk now, because he already has everything he wants and anything he says would just confirm what they already know.</p><p>“What’s different now?” Massu asks suddenly, the depth of his voice vibrating Shige’s head and probably Koyama’s too. “Things between us changed yesterday, yet I feel the same.”</p><p>“That’s a good thing,” Koyama says, somehow managing to squeeze them both in a hug. “That means we made the right decision.”</p><p>“You two...” Massu says, sounding like he’s having a problem getting his words out. “How long?”</p><p>“Twelve years,” Koyama answers at the same time Shige replies, “I don’t actually know.”</p><p>Massu’s laugh fades into a hum. “That’s a long time to lie about something so important.”</p><p>Shige feels guilty until Koyama responds. “It’s not like we were hiding anything. We didn’t have secret dates or sneak around. It’s hard to explain to someone who’s used to relationships being a certain way.”</p><p>“Try me,” Massu tells them, and it’s Shige who speaks next.</p><p>“It’s basically what the three of us do together, only we have sex too.”</p><p>He expects <em>some</em> kind of reaction from Massu, a twitch or hitched breath or even another laugh, but Massu just breathes normally and doesn’t say anything for a few seconds.</p><p>“Is that it?” he finally asks. “You don’t have feelings for each other?”</p><p>“Of course we do,” Koyama answers, and Shige echoes his agreement. “They’re just not the kind of feelings where we need to be more than friends.”</p><p>“Friends who have sex,” Massu corrects him.</p><p>“There’s not really a difference, to us,” Shige explains. “At least until yesterday.”</p><p>“What changed yesterday?” Massu asks.</p><p>“You,” Shige answers. “We’ve seen each other more in the past five months than probably the past five years, and that’s because of you.”</p><p>“We’re in love with you,” Koyama says easily, squeezing Shige’s hand as he adds, “In our own ways.”</p><p>Now Massu reacts, inhaling so deeply that Shige rises and falls from the force. “That’s nice to hear.”</p><p>Shige grins as he leans up enough to see Massu’s face, which is just as calm and stoic as any other time. “You don’t have to say it back. I usually don’t.”</p><p>Koyama laughs at that. “I think last night was the first time you’ve said it to me in years.”</p><p>“Well, I felt it,” Shige mumbles. “I don’t want to say it just to say it, and I don’t feel it too terribly often.”</p><p>“I don’t really know what love is,” Massu tells them. “At least, this kind of love. I know how to love my family and tangible things, even the special love we have for our fans, but I never really understood love between <em>lovers</em>. Maybe you can teach me.”</p><p>Shige feels an ache in his heart despite his aversion to the topic. “That’ll have to be Kei. He’s the expert here.”</p><p>“I’ll gladly accept any love you want to give me,” Koyama says vehemently, snuggling even closer to Massu like he’s trying to crawl <em>inside</em> him. It’s a cute sight, even if Massu looks confused at what he’s trying to do. “However you feel naturally is how you’re supposed to feel. It took Shige a long time to understand that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige admits. “I thought it had to be like in the movies and the songs we sing, but that’s just one way people love each other. I trust Kei, and I want to be with him even when we get old, but I don’t see a future where we get married and have a family. I’m just not interested in those things.”</p><p>“And that’s okay, because I don’t need that,” Koyama adds. “Besides, the beauty of polyamory means I can meet someone who <em>does</em> want those things and still have my Shige too.”</p><p>“Assuming this person was polyamorous as well,” Shige points out. “There aren’t very many of you, especially in Japan.”</p><p>Koyama shrugs. “I can hope!”</p><p>“To be honest, I’m relieved it’s both of you and not just Keiichiro,” Massu speaks up, and Koyama looks like he doesn’t know whether to be offended or not. “I actually believed that you two weren’t together, so the thought of being with just Kei seemed really weird to me. It felt like the three of us were a package deal.”</p><p>“Is that why you answered ‘yes’ so easily?” Shige asks curiously. “You really shocked me yesterday!”</p><p>“Me too!” Koyama exclaims. “We were convinced that you wouldn’t be into us that way.”</p><p>“Hearing you worry about it so strongly made me sad,” Massu tells them. “In the split-second that I thought about it, I knew my answer was yes when I couldn’t decide which one of you I wanted to kiss first.”</p><p>Koyama’s face lights up as he physically rises enough to bounce a little. “Does that mean there will be kissing?”</p><p>“Slow down,” Shige chides him, letting go of his hand to firmly push him back down by the shoulder. “You don’t have to do it just because he said it’s okay.”</p><p>“I-I would like there to be kissing,” Massu stammers, uncharacteristically shy as he sucks his lips into his mouth. “I thought about it sometimes when we would lie like this, but I knew that was crossing a line. It may be okay for men to hug each other and hold hands, but kissing is definitely not platonic.”</p><p>Shige thinks about that. “I mean, if two—or more—people all feel like it’s platonic, then maybe—”</p><p>He’s cut off by more than just Massu’s words, lips pressed against his so suddenly that it takes a second for his brain to register that he’s being kissed. When it does, he tilts his head to feel more of those plump lips against his, one hand sliding up Massu’s jaw to pull him closer, and Shige loses his mind just from their closed mouths sliding together like this. It’s been so long since he kissed anyone besides Koyama that the unfamiliarity is exhilarating.</p><p>“I want to do that every time you try to lecture me,” Massu tells him when they part, both of them breathing a little heavier.</p><p>“I am going to lecture you <em>all the time</em>,” Shige says seriously.</p><p>A pitiful whine sounds from next to them and Shige’s already rolling his eyes when he pulls back and sees Koyama pouting at them like an overgrown puppy.</p><p>“You have to kiss him now or he’ll keep doing that,” Shige tells Massu.</p><p>“Don’t do it just for me,” Koyama mutters. “Do it because you want to.”</p><p>“Okay,” Massu says, then leans down to grab Koyama by the face and plant one on him. It’s also the first time Shige’s watched Koyama kiss someone else, which has him more interested than jealous at the way Koyama melts into it and kisses back with fervor.</p><p>Koyama shifts like he wants to move closer, but ends up stopping himself by pushing on both of Massu’s shoulders. “That was <em>so</em> worth waiting for.”</p><p>“How do I balance you two like this?” Massu asks, looking rather pleased at rendering Koyama so breathless. “I want to give you both an equal amount of affection, but I don’t think it’s possible for us all to kiss at the same time.”</p><p>“We’re not pets, Taka,” Shige teases him, and Massu gives him an adorable pout. “Just do what feels right, and we’ll do the same.”</p><p>“I have to know,” Koyama starts, and Shige can tell by the look in his eyes where this is going. “Are we stopping at kissing, or...are you open to the idea of touching too?”</p><p>“<em>Keiichiro</em>,” Shige admonishes. “Don’t scare him away when we finally got him to like us.”</p><p>Massu laughs at that. “I’m not scared,” he tells them. “I just can’t say for certain right now everything I’ll want to do with you. I don’t feel like it at the moment, but that could change.”</p><p>Shige pokes the puffed-up cheeks of Koyama’s frustrated face. “I think what Kei means is whether you could be with a man that way at all. You mentioned before that you’ve only been with women.”</p><p>“Oh,” Massu replies, and he appears to think about it for a few seconds. “That should be fine. I enjoyed myself well enough with women, and it’s not really that different. Right?”</p><p>“Well—” Shige starts.</p><p>Now Koyama’s the one poking him and rushing to reply, “Right.”</p><p>Shige shakes his head and reluctantly pries himself away from Massu’s warmth. “I’m going to start dinner. You two can get used to each other this way without feeling overwhelmed.”</p><p>“I’m not overwhelmed,” Massu insists, though he looks conflicted. “But I’m also hungry.”</p><p>“I think Shige’s the one who’s overwhelmed,” Koyama says gently, and Shige doesn’t argue. “It’s okay, I want you two to get closer too. I think I would like seeing that, actually.”</p><p>Shige feels his face heat up at the suggestion and takes the opportunity to retreat to the kitchen for a little while. He hadn’t considered how much this would affect his hormones, at least until they all have sex for the first time and that thrill of the unknown wears off. The <em>last</em> thing he wants to do is jump into bed too soon because that’s what his body wants, but Koyama and Massu don’t appear to have any argument on the matter. Koyama’s always down to fuck, and from the looks of things all they have to do is turn Massu on and he’ll be just as willing.</p><p>Shige is the one who has to say no here, and he’s not sure that he wants to.</p><p>Cooking helps to cool him off, and by the time they sit down to dinner, he’s much calmer. Both Koyama and Massu have flushed faces and kiss-swollen lips, but the only unpleasant feeling Shige has about that is not witnessing how they were formed. He didn’t think he was a voyeur until this moment (that’s definitely Koyama), but he rather likes how it had felt to watch Koyama and Massu kiss, and he’d like to do it again.</p><p>Koyama offers to do the dishes, which is already suspicious on its own, so Shige’s not surprised when he’s practically shoved into Massu’s lap after they’re finished eating. Quickly putting some space between them, he barks for Koyama to go clean up before the food sticks to the pots and offers Massu a sheepish smile.</p><p>“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Massu says, his eyes gentle, and Shige almost laughs at <em>Massu</em> being the one to say this. “Just because we agreed to be boyfriends doesn’t mean anything has to change.”</p><p>“I want to kiss you,” Shige said clearly, and Massu smiles at him. “I just...get turned on really easily, so I don’t want to move faster than we’re all ready for.”</p><p>Massu’s eyes darken in a way that Shige never knew he wanted to see until right now. “Are my kisses that arousing?”</p><p>“I think it’s just you,” Shige answers, feeling embarrassed for saying something so silly until Massu leans forward again. This time, Shige sees it coming and meets him halfway, pressing their lips together lightly at first, then with more pressure. Massu’s arms wrap around him and he belatedly realizes he’s straddling Massu’s thighs, a faint moan tickling his throat when Massu’s tongue touches his.</p><p>“You should really digest before you do any vigorous activity,” Koyama’s voice pulls him back to earth, and he falls out of Massu’s mouth to find Koyama fixing them both with a knowing grin. “And <em>damn</em> Shige looks hot when he’s making out.”</p><p>Shige laughs as his cheeks heat up even more, lifting up enough to slump along one of Massu’s sides while Koyama takes the other. Massu’s heartbeat is much faster now, which makes Shige’s ego swell for being the one to escalate it. He thinks about how much faster it would get if he were to make Massu come and twitches from the wave of arousal that crashes over him at the thought.</p><p>“This is my fault,” Koyama says, though he doesn’t sound that sorry as he runs his fingers through Shige’s slightly sweaty hair. “We usually end up getting each other off every time we kiss deeply like that, so Shige’s has been conditioned to associate one with the other.”</p><p>“What are you even talking about?” Shige grumbles. “Stop making fun of me.”</p><p>“Deep kissing makes you want to come,” Koyama says clearly, and Shige groans as his body reacts without his permission. “I love it, because all I have to do is slip you some tongue and you’re all over me, but it seems to be causing you distress right now. So, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Shige can’t help but laugh at how serious Koyama’s being right now. “I can control myself, Keiichiro. I <em>am</em> an adult.”</p><p>“Is it bad?” Massu asks, biting his lip adorably when both Koyama and Shige turn to look at him in confusion. “To want to do those things, I mean. You’ve already done them so many times, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, but not with <em>you</em>,” Koyama says, and now he’s the one with flushed cheeks. Shige doesn’t remember the last time he saw Koyama blush. “This is very new to you, and we don’t want to fuck it up by moving too fast.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Massu says earnestly, lifting his arms to wrap around both of their shoulders. “I appreciate your concern, but isn’t it up to me to decide what’s too fast for <em>me</em>?”</p><p>Shige and Koyama exchange a look. “Yes?” Shige guesses.</p><p>“I get it, kind of,” Massu tells them, shifting a little to get comfortable with two grown men mostly in his lap. “When I did this with people before, they always made the first move, mostly because I don’t feel that kind of urge until someone...flips the switch.” He huffs in frustration. “I haven’t had to explain this before. Does it make sense?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige assures him, backed up by Koyama’s nod. “I guess we’re just concerned about flipping the switch too early. We haven’t even been official for an entire day.”</p><p>“Shige, I’ve known you for twenty years,” Massu tells him. “The three of us have been working together since we were teenagers. Hell, we’ve been doing everything <em>but</em> this since this past summer. If you want to have sex with me, I’ll tell you exactly how to flip the switch.”</p><p>Shige’s groan isn’t exactly pleasant, and now he’s got two people giving him questioning looks. “So much for saving our energy,” he grumbles to Koyama, then turns toward Massu with an apologetic look. “I really want to, obviously, but I don’t think I can go slowly right now and you deserve better than that.”</p><p>“Especially since it’s your first time with a man,” Koyama adds, looking just as affected as Shige is. “I want to take my time and let <em>you</em> decide how fast we go, you know? If we do it right now, I’m just going to ravish you and rush to get us all off.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Massu tells him, and Shige’s confident that both him and Koyama are wearing matching helpless expressions. “But if you don’t want to, I respect that.”</p><p>Koyama laughs as he presses his face into Massu’s shoulder; his face is bright red now. “I’m supposed to be the one saying that to you!”</p><p>“I have an idea,” Massu says suddenly, and somehow he manages to stand up with both Koyama and Shige weighing him down. “How about you two work out your tension with each other, then the three of us can kiss and see what happens?”</p><p>“I don’t want to leave you out—” Shige starts.</p><p>“I’ll watch,” Massu offers, and Shige clamps his mouth shut to keep his jaw from dropping. “I think I’d enjoy that. What better way to learn how to do it, right?”</p><p>Koyama stares at him for a few good seconds, then turns to Shige with a look that’s both incredulous and hopeful. “What do you think?”</p><p>“I think I probably won’t last long enough to actually have sex,” Shige says honestly, and Koyama bursts out laughing. “Don’t laugh at me!”</p><p>Koyama grabs his face and kisses him. Shige practically lunges across Massu to press close to Koyama, grateful for the familiarity now, and he lets out a moan the second Koyama’s fingers slip under his sweater and touch his skin.</p><p>“Wow, okay,” Massu says, sounding surprised and a little impressed, and Shige chuckles into Koyama’s mouth. “Let’s go to my room, yeah? You can do whatever you want in my bed.”</p><p>Koyama groans at that, and somehow Massu manages to navigate them down the hallway without interrupting Koyama and Shige’s kissing. Koyama backs into something and then they’re horizontal, the pair of them scrambling onto the mattress as Shige settles on top of Koyama.</p><p>Shige’s hips move on their own, finding friction wherever they can until Koyama lines them up and grinds back. Shige is so hard, hot and sweaty under his clothes but he doesn’t want to take the time to disrobe properly, though Koyama manages to pull Shige’s shirt over his head before running his hands all over the newly bared skin.</p><p>Shige can’t bring himself to leave Koyama’s mouth long enough to look at Massu, but he knows Massu’s there, <em>watching them</em>, and somehow that makes him move even faster. They might not make it out of their pants for this, as much as Koyama’s trying to undress them both without prying Shige off of him. He gets as far as opening Shige’s pants before he seems to give up and shoves his hand past both waistbands, fingers wrapping around Shige’s cock and giving him something much less abrasive than fabric to rub against.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Shige gets out, his words muffled by Koyama’s tongue as he doesn’t actually leave Koyama’s mouth to speak. “Kei-chan, don’t stop.”</p><p>He makes his way into Koyama’s pants too and Koyama’s moan is gorgeous, the pair of them moving together until their breaths get too heavy to kiss properly. Shige presses his face into Koyama’s shoulder while Koyama throws his head back, moaning freely while rocking up into Shige’s hand. It’s not until Koyama’s whole body jerks beneath him that Shige realizes he’s <em>coming</em>, the verbal warning much too late as he spills over Shige’s fingers and all over his own shirt.</p><p>“I can’t believe you finished before me,” Shige grumbles, frustrated only because Koyama stopped moving his hand. “Come on, Kei, I’m so close.”</p><p>“I got you,” Koyama says, his voice all air as he twists his wrist and wraps his other arm around Shige. Shige’s noises are muffled by Koyama’s shirt but they increase in volume and frequency while Koyama noses his way down to Shige’s neck and drags his teeth along the sensitive spot under his jaw. “Come for me, baby.”</p><p>Koyama can only get away with calling him “baby” like this, when Shige’s about to finish and it’s not annoying. In the heat of the moment, it’s nice to hear and it gets him off harder, choking on his “gonna come” as his world explodes behind his eyes and he shudders out his release—all over Koyama’s shirt.</p><p>“Guess I’m not wearing <em>this</em> home,” Koyama scoffs as he pulls off the shirt, which just has Shige curling up on Koyama’s bare chest because he craves skinship after orgasm. “You’re not gonna fall asleep, are you?”</p><p>Shige shakes his head, then pries his eyes open to focus on Massu across the room, slouching in an armchair like he had been watching a regular movie instead of live-action porn. Despite the distance, Shige can feel the heat of Massu’s stare and it chills his damp skin, his body temporarily tired but not completely exhausted as he reaches out one arm in a blatant plea for Massu to join them.</p><p>“I didn’t really learn anything,” Massu tells them, and Shige snorts into Koyama’s chest while Koyama tries to hide his face in Shige’s hair. “I already know how to do all that. It was nice to watch though.”</p><p>“I’m glad,” Shige replies, grinning as Massu’s face gets closer. “Kiss me, please.”</p><p>“So polite,” Massu comments as crawls onto the bed and closes the distance between them. “You’re a mess.”</p><p>Shige starts to pout, but then those lips are on his again and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing Massu. He’s so relaxed and sated that his body feels like putty in Massu’s hands, which slowly roam his bare chest and back like he’s acquainting himself with Shige’s skin. It feels nice, especially when Shige rolls onto his back and Massu hovers over him, sending jolts of excitement through Shige’s body that wake him up <em>real</em> fast.</p><p>Koyama’s not far, his pleased hum audible as he stretches out alongside them. Shige jumps when he feels lips pressed against his shoulder, but it just makes him kiss Massu even harder and Massu’s groan tickles his tongue. The hand closest to Koyama reaches out for whatever he can find, ending up wrapped around Koyama’s upper body that snuggles closer.</p><p>“So, about that switch...” Koyama trails off, and Massu falls out of Shige’s mouth with a laugh.</p><p>“It’s already on,” Massu tells them, only a little breathless from Shige’s heated kissing. “Watching you two together was so fucking hot that I’m ready for whatever you two want to do to me.”</p><p>Shige squirms as Massu’s position above him invokes <em>other</em> thoughts, namely the kind where his knees are up by his ears, and he’s not too sure that Koyama isn’t some kind of sex empath when he immediately grins at Shige and asks, “What do you want us to do to you, Takahisa?”</p><p>Massu looks pensive like he’d just been asked what he wants to eat, glancing from Koyama to Shige and back again. “Well, I’d like to have sex, but I’m not sure how it works with three people, let alone the different parts.”</p><p>“Which one of us do you want?” Shige asks, his voice coming out a little more insistent than he’d like, which Koyama sees right through with an eyeroll.</p><p>“Shige wants Taka,” Koyama says clearly, and Shige sputters out a protest that dies the second Massu meets his eyes. “I’ll show you what to do. Do you have any lube?”</p><p>“I brought some if you don’t,” Shige jumps to offer. “It’s in the grocery bag.”</p><p>“I have some.” Massu rolls away long enough to unearth an unopened bottle of KY and presents it to Koyama. “I bought it last night after our rehearsal. Figured we’d need it eventually, if not today.”</p><p>“That’s so thoughtful,” Koyama tells him as he twists off the cap and tears off the protective seal. “You both should probably get undressed before this goes any further.”</p><p>Shige shoves the rest of his clothes off within seconds, but Massu’s too distracted by Shige’s newly exposed skin to do much more than pull his sweater halfway over his head. Koyama takes over and Shige leans forward enough to help, both sets of hands lingering on the rare display of Massu’s naked body that trembles under their touch.</p><p>“This feels nice,” Massu tells them, followed by a soft hitch of breath when Shige boldly reaches between his legs. “Can we do this for a little bit? I’m definitely going to give it to Shige, but I want to get to know you this way first.”</p><p>The way he wraps both of them in his arms says that he’s not just talking to Shige, and Shige thinks Koyama’s heart might explode from his eyes with how much he likes hearing that. “Whatever you want,” Koyama says, using this low voice that has Shige shivering, and Massu must have a similar reaction because he leans over to kiss Koyama without moving away from Shige.</p><p>A whimper sounds from Koyama as Massu deepens the kiss, and Shige finds that he rather likes watching them like this while Massu’s hand is sliding up and down his body. He’s touching Massu too, gently stroking his hard cock and feeling those defined abdominal muscles under his palm. The fact that Massu’s devouring Koyama from <em>Shige’s</em> ministrations further cements Shige’s decision to do this, because he loves the way it makes him feel to be directly responsible for <em>both</em> of them falling apart. </p><p>Massu’s other hand lingers on Koyama’s hip bone and Shige watches it trail down to where Koyama’s cock is starting to get interested again. Koyama’s moan is muffled by Massu’s mouth, but Shige still feels it everywhere Massu touches him, much calmer from his orgasm but still incredibly turned on. Then Massu’s mouth returns to <em>his</em> and Shige curls beneath him, gasping when he hears the pop of the cap next to him.</p><p>“You wanna do it?” Koyama asks, sounding a little surprised, and Massu’s affirmative noise tickles Shige’s tongue. “Okay, but you have to be gentle. We don’t stretch as easily as women do.”</p><p>“You should be gentle with women too,” Shige grumbles when Massu pulls back to situate their legs. Now Shige’s are on the outside of Massu’s, and Shige can’t stop his hips from rolling upward at the promise of having something inside him.</p><p>Massu looks blankly at the substance on his fingers and turns toward Koyama. “Could you get me started, maybe?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Koyama answers, covering Massu’s hand with his own as he slowly slides it between Shige’s legs. “It’s easier if you don’t think too hard about it and let it happen naturally. Kiss Shige again if you need a distraction.”</p><p>“Yeah, kiss Shige,” Shige adds, grinning until fingertips graze his rim. “<em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>Massu makes a pleased noise at that, his eyes on Shige’s face as he traces the muscle, likely by Koyama’s prodding. Koyama’s watching him too, and Shige feels his cheeks burn under all the attention. Not that it stops his thighs from spreading to feel more.</p><p>“You can probably push it in now, a little bit at a time,” Koyama instructs, and Shige gasps as Massu follows directions. “You okay, Shige?”</p><p>“It’s his first time, not mine,” Shige says pointedly. “I’m fine. It’s good. Someone kiss me.”</p><p>It’s Koyama who leans down and presses their mouths together, which means that Shige can take out his tension on Koyama’s hair as Massu gets his entire finger in. Massu seems to figure out what to do from here, moving it in and out until he can fit in another, and Shige’s gasping into Koyama’s mouth while his body rocks back against the intimate touch that’s both foreign and familiar at the same time.</p><p>“How many do I need?” Massu asks, and Shige reluctantly breaks his kiss with Koyama to find Massu still staring at him with heat in his eyes.</p><p>Koyama answers by reaching between Massu’s legs, which has Massu’s eyelids fluttering shut as Koyama gives him a few good strokes. “Three should be fine. You’re a little wider than that, but Shige can take it.”</p><p>Shige arches at the thought, helped along by Massu’s two fingers that scissor and spread apart to stretch him open. “Bend your knuckles a bit,” he gets out, eyes rolling back in his head as Massu does exactly that, and Koyama’s the one to groan low in his throat as Shige’s hips snap desperately to keep Massu’s fingers right where they are.</p><p>“What—” Massu starts to ask, then seems to choke on his breath at Shige’s involuntary reaction.</p><p>“That’s a good spot,” Koyama tells him, his voice practically a purr as he strokes one of Shige’s thighs. “You have one too. I’d be happy to help you find it.”</p><p>“Let me do this first,” Massu agrees easily, and Koyama’s gasp sounds as surprised as Shige feels. “I can’t get the third one in.”</p><p>Shige frowns as he tries to relax even more. He feels it trying to slip in, but his body keeps protesting. “Sorry,” he mumbles.</p><p>“None of that,” Koyama says, capturing Shige’s lips once more before kissing down his jaw and neck. “Massu, sit up a bit.”</p><p>Massu shifts above him and Shige gasps as Koyama makes his way down his chest. “Kei-chan,” he says.</p><p>Koyama responds by sucking on the head of his cock, not completely recovered yet but enough to feel good. It distracts him enough to let the last finger in, a loud moan tearing from his throat as all three digits move in and out of him easily, a prelude for what’s about to come. He hardens the rest of the way in Koyama’s mouth, which swallows him a few more times before pulling off, and Shige only whines a little bit when Koyama guides Massu’s fingers out of him.</p><p>“Do you want to use a condom?” Koyama asks, and Massu blinks like he doesn’t understand the question. “We get tested every time I sleep with a new person, but it’s been just the two of us for a while now.”</p><p>“I’ve never done it without one,” Massu tells him, looking down at his cock like that will help him decide. “Isn’t it messy?”</p><p>“I like it,” Shige says, the words slipping out on their own as his body is more focused on being stretched open with nothing inside it. “Either way is fine, please just fuck me.”</p><p>Massu hums so low that Shige feels it through the mattress, a firm hand urging his thighs even further apart as Massu kneels between them. “Since you like it, I’ll do it this way.”</p><p>Shige opens his mouth to reply, but then the blunt head is pushing through Shige’s clenching rim and all Shige can do is throw his head back and moan. Koyama’s instantly by his side, pressing comforting words into Shige’s ear while one of his arms hooks behind Shige’s knee, and Shige forces his eyes open to watch Massu’s face as Massu slowly fills him until they’re skin to skin.</p><p>Massu’s eyes are hooded but he notices Shige looking at him, flashing a smile that would be horribly out of place if it wasn’t Massu, and Shige smiles back at him. “You okay?”</p><p>Nodding, Shige reaches for Massu and pulls him down as far as he can, wanting to feel Massu on top of him as well as inside him. “I’m great. Please move whenever you’re ready.”</p><p>Massu responds with hips, slow rolls as he gets used to the friction, then he gradually moves faster. Shige clings to both of them as Massu thrusts into him over and over again, Koyama’s words turning filthy as he slips a hand between them to wrap his fingers around Shige’s cock. He doesn’t quite stroke it, just rubs and squeezes to enhance Massu’s actions, and all Shige can do is moan as he loses his mind to the pleasure he’s getting from both of them.</p><p>He reaches for both of them, one arm wrapped around Koyama’s back while the other grips Massu’s shoulder, very aware of both of them in this moment even though only Massu is inside him. The wet head of Koyama’s cock bumps his thigh and Koyama groans right into his ear, content to just grind against him that way as the three of them move together.</p><p>Massu’s soft grunts serve as a bassline for their rhythm, increasing in speed and volume as he gets deeper and holds onto them more tightly. Shige arches each time Massu hits that spot inside him and Koyama jerks him properly, the pressure accumulating so fast that Shige can’t keep up, succumbing to the double stimulation until he starts to choke on his gasps for air.</p><p>“I’m gonna come,” he forces out, and now Massu’s really ramming into him, taking him even higher as Koyama pulls him off. Massu announces his own demise as Shige is overcome by orgasm, jerking so violently that Koyama has to hold him down, his sharp moan resounding between his ears as he comes hard enough to black out.</p><p>The next thing he knows, Massu’s pulling out and Shige groans low in his throat when he feels the release left behind. Koyama gently urges his legs down, rubbing the strained muscles of his thighs while Massu struggles to hold himself up. Ultimately, Massu gives up and crashes down on top of Shige, which Shige doesn’t mind one bit and holds Massu close while they rush to regain their breathing.</p><p>“Kei...” Massu mutters, and Koyama makes a sound of acknowledgment from just as close. “You didn’t finish.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Koyama says, finding Shige’s hand on Massu back and lacing their fingers together. I can wait until you recover.”</p><p>Massu lets out a heavy sigh. “You mean I have to do that <em>again</em>?”</p><p>Shige laughs while Koyama leans up enough to press his mouth to Massu’s ear. “Maybe I’m gonna do it to <em>you</em>.”</p><p>That has Massu making a more favorable noise as he curls up on top of Shige. “You don’t have to wait for that.”</p><p>Koyama gasps while Shige lifts a shaky hand to stroke through Massu’s damp hair. “Are you sure?” Koyama asks.</p><p>“Shige seemed to like it well enough,” Massu explains. “I don’t think I can move though.”</p><p>“You can stay right where you are,” Shige tells him gently, exchanging an incredulous look with Koyama over Massu’s head. “Kei-chan’s got really long fingers. You’ll like them.”</p><p>The next sound that comes from Massu is more of a whimper, and he’s already straddling Shige’s waist as Koyama relocates behind him. Shige wasn’t prepared for <em>both</em> of their weights on top of him, but it’s not entirely uncomfortable as Koyama directs his soothing words to Massu’s ear and Massu finds refuge in Shige’s mouth.</p><p>Being on the outside of this kind of thing (as it were) is interesting. Shige can tell by the soft gasps pressed into his mouth that Koyama’s already stretching Massu, the firm body between them trembling slightly from the undoubtedly new sensations as he gets used to the intrusion. Shige kisses him gently, stroking his arm in what he hopes is a comforting manner until Massu tears his mouth away to moan outright, his hips rocking back sharply.</p><p>“This feels <em>amazing</em>,” Massu groans out against Shige’s collarbone. “Straight men are missing out.”</p><p>“Women have fingers too, you know,” Shige points out, and Koyama leans up enough to roll his eyes pointedly while Massu makes a dejected sound. “Well, they do!”</p><p>“Find me <em>one</em> woman who would do this without assuming you’re gay,” Koyama argues back, and now Shige’s the one rolling his eyes. “Besides, we <em>both</em> know that this just makes men want to get fucked.”</p><p>“Strap-ons exist!” Shige exclaims. “Plenty of women are into the whole femdom thing, just not the passive ones <em>you</em> are attracted to. The truth is that straight men are scared to admit they like this because it threatens their fragile masculinity.”</p><p>“Anytime you two want to shut the fuck up,” Massu says pointedly, and Koyama does something behind him that has a loud moan tearing from his lungs. “<em>Kei</em>-chan.”</p><p>“Mm, you ready?” Koyama asks, and even hearing his sex voice while Shige’s not the one being sexed feels nice. “Do you want me to wear a condom?”</p><p>“Yes,” Massu answers. “I have some in the top drawer.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Koyama lifts up long enough to retrieve a foil packet, and Shige takes the opportunity to breathe more easily with only one grown man weighing him down while Koyama sheaths himself. Massu looks uncomfortable and Shige rushes to comfort him, doing some whispering of his own as he tells Massu it’s okay to feel wide open and ashamed right now, and Koyama’s going to make it better very soon.</p><p>Massu just nods like it’s any other time he’s been told to endure something, but then Koyama’s draping himself over Massu’s back and pushing in with a shrill moan that shoots right up Shige’s spine. He’s going much slower than Shige’s used to, for obvious reasons, but Shige can see the strain of holding back on his face as he leans up enough to kiss the back of Massu’s neck. It seems to help Massu take him in more easily, his breaths quickening in a much more favorable way as Koyama bottoms out with an obscene noise.</p><p>“Let me know when I can move,” Koyama says, pressing the words into Massu’s damp skin. “Take as long as you need.”</p><p>Massu nods again and takes a deep breath, clinging to Shige as he slowly moves back and forth on his own. Koyama makes a pleased noise and Massu does it again, arching when Koyama gently rubs his thigh, and Massu actually lifts himself onto his elbows to push back with momentum while Shige watches from below.</p><p>“Okay, now.”</p><p>Massu cringes in preparation, but Koyama starts slow, taking more care with Massu’s body than Shige’s seen from him recently. It makes Shige feel something like pride, because this is <em>his</em> Koyama being so thoughtful right now, even if Koyama’s done nothing short of pound Shige into the mattress for several years now. That’s how Shige likes it, but Shige’s not Massu and Massu seems to like it just like this, arching and moaning as Koyama sacrifices speed for depth.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Koyama asks, unable to keep his mouth off of Massu’s neck and upper back, and Shige falls a little more in love with him for always being so concerned about his partners’ comfort and enjoyment like this—even when it’s not Shige himself.</p><p>“Yeah,” Massu replies, offering a smile that only Shige can see as he matches his hips to Koyama’s thrusts, and Shige leans up to press a kiss to his cheek. “It feels good.”</p><p>Shige can tell, because Massu’s hardening against his abdomen and Shige automatically reaches a hand between them, their combined sweat making it easy to coil his fingers around Massu’s length. “Think you can come again?” he asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” Massu says again, though this one comes out more insistent as Shige squeezes him from base to tip, repeating what they had done to him just in a different formation. “Mm, Shige, just like that.”</p><p>Koyama hums at that and speeds up a little, but Massu gives it right back and quickly becomes a moaning mess between them. There’s no way Shige’s going a third time, at least not without a nap, but he feels like he could get interested again solely from the sight before him, on <em>top</em> of him, the combination of Koyama and Massu’s coital noises and uncontrollable shuddering. He knows when Koyama starts to lose it because he completely loses his rhythm, along with his breath, but Massu’s just as unstable and Shige honestly doesn’t know which one of them is going to finish first.</p><p>It’s Koyama, but not by very much. He’d barely groaned out a warning before Massu repeated it, the pair of them collapsing right on top of Shige as they ride out their respective orgasms, and Shige frowns as he struggles to escape from the combined deadweight.</p><p>“I can’t breathe,” he gets out, and Koyama laughs out loud while Massu snorts. “Come on, you guys. Get off me.”</p><p>“I can’t move,” Massu says again, though having Koyama roll to the side is good enough. “You two might have to carry me around for the rest of the night.”</p><p>“A small price to pay for feeling so good,” Koyama tells him as he snaps off the condom with a hiss and stumbles into the bathroom to throw it away. “I’ll run a bath.”</p><p>“We can’t all fit into my tub,” Massu protests, but Koyama offers to change the sheets while Massu and Shige soak since they need it more than him. They really do have to help Massu in and out, the discomfort evident on his face despite his insistence that he’s fine, though he just scoffs when Shige tells him he’ll get used to it.</p><p>Koyama takes a quick shower while Massu and Shige curl up together in the clean sheets, neither one too keen to return to the couch or do anything that doesn’t involve stretching out on a comfortable surface in each other’s arms. Naturally, Koyama joins them and the three of them lie like that for a long while, regaining control of their breathing and calming their heartrates.</p><p>“Is it always like that?” Massu asks, and both Koyama and Shige make an inquizative noise. “Only two people having sex while the other person is left out, I mean.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t know,” Koyama answers. “This is my first threesome.”</p><p>“I think it would be too overwhelming for all of us to do it at the same time,” Shige says, frowning at the thought of being in the middle of a human centipede like that. “I mean, we can definitely try it, but I don’t mind being the one who’s not involved. I don’t feel left out at all.”</p><p>“Me neither,” Koyama agrees. “I like appreciating you both in the midst of passion like that without being distracted by my own desire.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shige says. “It’s nice to have the extra set of hands too.”</p><p>That has both Koyama and Massu laughing, the latter settling between them as they enjoy each other’s warmth. It’s not too late, but Shige could fall asleep right now, totally comfortable and satisfied with both of his lovers.</p><p>“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way,” Massu starts slowly, Shige snuggling closer to feel more of the deep vibrations against his face. “What happens next? How do we have a relationship as three people?”</p><p>“We already have been, haven’t we?” Koyama counter-asks, sliding his hand up Shige’s arm while he hugs Massu from the other side. “Nothing has to change unless you want it to.”</p><p>“Hmm, okay,” Massu says skeptically, though he doesn’t elaborate. “Shige, what do you think?”</p><p>Shige’s not entirely conscious, which the other two both laugh at when they realize, but he didn’t have anything to add to the topic anyway. For once, his mind isn’t racing with what-ifs and worst-case scenarios, because everything about this feels perfect and right.</p><p>*</p><p>Countdown is emotional for more than one reason, the newly three-member NEWS singing together under layers of fabric and sequins just like every year before. Shige loves Countdown because he gets to work with people he hasn’t seen all year, horsing around and being ridiculous like they were much younger, even if the number of familiar faces seem to dwindle in count as time goes on. At least the hairstyles have changed.</p><p>Except Nakamaru, who looks exactly the same as Shige remembers him when he confronts Shige backstage, only a little intimidating in KAT-TUN’s soldier-like costume. “What the hell are you doing?” he demands.</p><p>“Working?” Shige guesses, cowering a little under Nakamaru’s disapproving face. He has it on good authority from both Koyama and Massu that this one is harmless, but right now he’s not so sure. “I know we messed up your song, but it’s supposed to be fun, right?”</p><p>Nakamaru shakes his head. “Not that. Masuda. What are you doing with Masuda?”</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>.” Shige relaxes now that he’s just getting the wrath of a protective best friend. “I’m guessing he told you about our new group bonding?”</p><p>“Is that what you’re calling it?” Nakamaru snaps, wiping the smile right off of Shige’s face with his tone. “I swear to god, if you hurt him, I’ll come after you. <em>Both</em> of you.”</p><p>“Maybe you should talk to Koyama...” Shige trails off, glancing around like he’s going to find Koyama anywhere closeby. No such luck. “You two are friends, right?”</p><p>“I already talked to him,” Nakamaru huffs. “He didn’t make any sense. Going on about a three-person relationship and how Masuda isn’t just a toy for you to play with. Masuda really likes you! I’ve <em>never</em> seen him so smitten about another person, let alone two people.”</p><p>“That’s nice to hear,” Shige says, feeling even warmer under the mountain of clothes he’s wearing. “I promise you he’s not a toy to us. Koyama and I weren’t even serious with each other until we both fell for him. I know it’s confusing to understand, but please just accept this as <em>his</em> choice.”</p><p>Nakamaru hrmphs at him, and Shige resigns himself to a future where the only other person in the agency who knows about them is <em>not</em> their ally. “He deserves someone who will give him their <em>whole</em> heart, not half.”</p><p>“That’s just it,” Shige tries to explain. “We are. You can’t see that right now, because all you’ve ever known is monogamy, but you will. I didn’t see it until I experienced it.”</p><p>Nakamaru seems to settle for that, at least he looks less likely to take Shige out into the alley and beat his ass. “You better be good to him.”</p><p>“I will,” Shige assures him. “We both will.”</p><p>They’re rushed back onto the stage then, so Nakamaru gives him one more discerning frown before they join their respective mix-and-match groups for the medley. Thankfully, they’re not in the same group, and it’s a nice break from performing with Koyama and Massu even if Shige is completely overshadowed by Yaotome Hikaru and Fujigaya Taisuke. Nobody expects them to dance in sync anyway.</p><p>“Hey, Shige!” Hikaru calls out as they disperse the stage again, and his next words are hissed rather conspiratorily. “Congrats on the triad. I’m rooting for you!”</p><p>Shige blinks as he inwardly amends his previous thought about not having any allies. He just bewilderedly thanks Hikaru and returns to his own group, where Koyama’s fawning over getting to sing with Ohkura with stars in his eyes while Massu watches him in amusement.</p><p>“How many people did you tell?!” Shige asks Massu, struggling to keep his voice down.</p><p>“Are we not telling people?” Massu replies, looking sheepish. “I already called my parents.”</p><p>“Ah, did Nakamaru-kun get to you too?” Koyama asks knowingly, slinging an arm around Shige. “He’s all talk, and besides, he has nothing to worry about!”</p><p>“Hikaru-kun just <em>congratulated</em> me,” Shige grumbles. “I don’t need the whole agency knowing our business!”</p><p>“Hikaru can keep a secret,” Massu insists. “So can Arioka-kun, half of MADE, and of course Nakamaru.”</p><p>Shige buries his face in his hands, then cringes at the amount of sweat and makeup that rubs off. “For someone who never talked about his love life before, you’re sure loose-lipped now.”</p><p>“I didn’t have anything worthwhile to talk about before,” Massu tells him earnestly, and Shige’s frustration dissipates at being something worthy of sharing. “It’s hardly the most scandalous news they’ve heard lately. Hey! Say! BEST are practically a five-person marriage. And everyone knows that Yokoyama and Murakami still hook up despite their respective girlfriends who definitely know about them. Our agency embraces polyamory more than either of you know.”</p><p>Koyama beams like he were at all responsible for any of this, at least outside of the three of them. “The more the merrier!” he exclaims, spinning around so fast that sequins fly off of his costume, and Shige just rolls his eyes.</p><p>It’s much easier later when they all congregate at his apartment, ringing in the New Year by doing more of the same. Koyama had wanted to cook this time, which Shige is only mildly worried about while Massu puts on an Arashi concert. Shige’s still sleepy from getting home at the crack of dawn despite sleeping most of the day, happy to have nothing to do other than host and hug, the latter of which becomes more prominent after they’re fed and entertained.</p><p>Shige’s in the middle today, flanked on both sides by two human heaters, which is welcome given the arctic temperatures outside. He’s incredibly comfortable despite the uncertainty this year will bring them, all the challenges that lie ahead in both their work and personal lives, though the last one doesn’t worry Shige nearly as much as it did before. Koyama’s confident enough for all three of them, and Massu’s carefree like usual.</p><p>There’s really no room for Shige’s mind to wander, and he likes it that way.</p><p>Massu may have lured them both in again, but he didn’t throw them back this time, keeping both Koyama and Shige for himself. Shige thinks this is the way it’s supposed to be, even if it means he and Koyama aren’t swimming freely anymore. The vast ocean isn’t as appealing as it used to be, anyway.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Koyama asks, poking Shige in the belly. “I can <em>hear</em> the wheels turning in your brain.”</p><p>“Fish,” Shige answers. It’s not technically a lie.</p><p>“But I made pasta,” Koyama says with a pout. “Was it not good?”</p><p>“Not eating it,” Shige clarifies. “Catching it.”</p><p>He can’t see their faces, but he can almost feel the cringes on either side of him.</p><p>“I definitely do not want to go fishing with you,” Massu says clearly, and Shige laughs out loud.</p><p>“Me neither,” Koyama replies. “That’s definitely a Shige thing.”</p><p>Shige just shakes his head and holds them closer, glad that he doesn’t have to let them go.</p>
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